Misery hurts

I like this poem. It was cool. Great detail

An excellently written poem, you truly have a talent, keep up the superb work. Check out some of my poems when you have the time.

Best Wishes
Wallace

Really good poem i like it a lot!
you seem to touch on the depression and feelings that surround you!

Helen
xxxx

Girlie Goo,

This is your oldest poem?? I think you have improved much since writing this poem, however I will commnet in regard to this poem. What I say here may not be relative to your writing style or thinking now, but I will say what I think should be improved in this poem.

First thing I would like to say is that, this poems comea across to me as a moderate one. I mean the concept, flow, use of language, details everything is just ok, none of them is great. You can improve on all those grounds. I also felt that you have faced difficulty in expressing what you exactly feel, maybe you had to take more time to think about the concept and words chosen.

You must improve your phrasing. The lines
"burning skin from blistering tears,"

"to carry on living her life is becoming no more than a dream."

"shes lost the use of her sanity, and has become so weak."

should have been much better phrased.

Also blistering is an odd adjective for tears I think, probably the line should have read "blistering skin from burning tears," or "blisters on my skin, from those burning tears," of the sort.

I cannot fathom the reason that you have capitalised only "Misery" and "Lava" in the first stanza and no other beginning letters in any of the stanzas. Especailly the capitalization of "L" in Lava seems very odd.

The last line of the first stanza
"In the end; everyone gets hurt." is very obstructive to the thought process of the reader there. I do not think that it relates well with the above two lines describing the volcano.

All in all, as I said in the beginiing; it's a moderate poem with a lot of scope for improvement to make it a good poem and I think you should choose a different title too or perhaps the title describes how you felt when you wrote this poem, then you shoudl think of a different vision to describe throughout this poem.

This is another favourite of mine, i really enjoyed this one. Another 5/5