Torn Coffin.

by HOLLYWOODxBANGBANG   Sep 22, 2006


-Torn Coffin.-

With two dozen white roses set on top the coffin,
I know the darkness had finally swallowed her empty soul,
A kiss across her cheek, and white amid her skin,
It is time to say good-bye to her eyes of coal.

Stumbling through shattered memories, her heart beats on,
Cracking open through the rusty seams,
As her dreams of yesterday are long forgone,
And her porcelain tears silently scream.

Her fingers etch across the red oak,
Tossing and turning in the sheets dressing her death,
Breathing in the nicotine, filling her lungs with smoke,
Falling innocently like the sleeping Macbeth.

Sleeping Beauty slowly decays below your feet,
Inscribed in stone, the concrete angel cries,
From all your sins coated in deceit,
But what killed her were all of your lies.

© Jenna Elphick
September 22, 2006.

- - I wasn't sure where to put this, It's kinda of a metaphorical death, so yeah I chose here lol. Any advice on how to improve it would be very appreciated. =]] - -

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by cowgirlstar26

    This was dark and deep loved it 5.5

  • 17 years ago

    by Ashleigh Skye

    I loved the word choices for this one.. I also loved how you made it seem very dark but kept my attention the whole way. You didnt go overboard and brough just enough darkness to keep me interested. Way to go, I love it

  • 17 years ago

    by sibyllene

    A couple of things:
    1. is it supposed to be "hearts?"
    2. i really like the first three lines of the last stanza, but the last one seems more like you were trying to think of something to say. i think the last line should be really effective, and leave the reader going "whoa." (easier said than done, i know.)

    but seriously:"the concrete angel cries from all your sins coated in deciet.." how cool is taht?

  • 17 years ago

    by Lovely Bones

    You have a brilliant way with words. I couldn't think of anything to improve, but then again I never saw anything wrong, but then again I'm not very good at dark poems.. but then again.. hehe I could go on all day with 'then agains'.. but anyways. Very good poem. I love the metaphorical death part. Keep it up!

    Love Sarah-Joy

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