Slowly Fading Away

by Jessica   Oct 28, 2006


Slowly opening battered green eyes
Squinting silently in the foggy gloom
Gazing sadly down at her frail, broken body
The flower of fear in her body does bloom..

Remembering the dreadful night before
When her father came home in a rage
His anger, onto her he hatefully released
A little girl of only three years of age..

Her mother had long ago left them
Selfishly saving only her own skin
To him, she left her tortured child
How could she ever forget this sin?

Her daughter lies broken and bleeding
Crying out for love or someone to care
Confused and hurt, betrayed and pained
Ripped apart, broken beyond repair..

A sad little girl of only three years of age
Lays desperately scared on the cold, hard floor
Trying so hard to breathe, to keep going, to live
Slowly fading away, not feeling the pain anymore..

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by ~*×FaÐ3D‡‡M€mØ®Ïê§×*~

    Omg. omg. this poem was so sad.. the emotion and pain flowed thru this poem intensly...

  • 17 years ago

    by Dumpstead

    Dear Jessy,

    Your Visions always move me, though I am not a emotional person. That is a wonderfully done job. The concept and length was just right for my taste.

    "The flower of fear in her body does bloom" Ecsstassy it is! NICE. VERY Nice.

    I do have a few suggestions, some of which are also noted by others.

    "Her mother had long ago left them" breaks the flow, probably the line should read "Her mother had long ago left her".

    In the line "Selfishly saving only her own skin" should probably read "Selfishly saving her own skin". Only affects the pronounciation or rather the syllable flow of the line.

    "To him, she left her tortured child" should probably read "To him, she left ehr child to be tortured"

    The line "Confused and hurt, betrayed and pained" should prbably read Confused and hurt, betrayed and suffering" as "pained" again affects the language flow.

    The 3 stanzas in the middle did not produce the effect as of the first and last stanzas, but the first and last stanzas are ... hm.... something that you shou8ld be proud of.

    And Jessy, sorry to have kept you waiting this long.

  • 17 years ago

    by the4seasons

    That's was really sad. good work!

  • 17 years ago

    by Aussie

    GR8 job. i like the ending:)

  • 17 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    This poem makes my heart bleed with tears. That is all that i will say besides 5/5.
    Keep writing.

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