Don't Know What to Say

I'm thinking of you
So I shut my eyes tight
When I was around you
It just felt so right
I remember all the times
That you looked at me
Saw right through
My thoughts you could see

I think of you and remember
All the bruises you gave
I don't even care, really
They weren't out of rage
It would just happen
We got into a fight
Not because we were mad
Just 'cause it seemed 'right'

I remember the childish jokes
And how we acted so dumb
Wasn't because we were stupid
We just wanted to have fun
I haven't known you long
Of that there is no doubt
But the way we laughed together
Isn't that what friends are all about?

For some reason you make me feel
Like I can just be me
I'll do whatever I'm going to
'me' is all I have to be
I feel as though you know me
Oh just so very well
But will it stay like this?
Only time shall ever tell

But when I stared loving you
I knew it t'would be a disaster
I knew that I had to stop
Nothing'll ruin these two friendships faster
I'm growing more broken apart
With the passing of the day
I know what I'm feeling, but
The words I cannot say

I'm stuck in indecision
About how I honestly feel
I'm lost in my own confusion
Stuck in this drama reel
I'm wondering about myself
I've made mistakes before
So now I'm starting to think
That 'love' is not but lore

My heart is screaming one thing
My mind is thinking absolutely not
I feel like I'm a balancing act
At which is being shot
I'm trying to hold it all together
And dodge the bullets flying 'round
And while I feel like screaming
I can never make a sound

(C) Athame
**Not good... and very long... but I had to write it, because I needed to let it out. :)