by x.Athame.x   Jul 4, 2009

Thudding silence enclosing around
deep suffocating ennui
apple half eaten lying there
speared by needles straight through
solace in beautiful loneliness
euphorically sweet pain
worlds colliding locked inside
torn to pieces by emotion
exuberantly falling down
life being beauty clad in lies
eyes shut; ears sewn closed
supreme unchallenged prejudice
plastic hearts longing to feel
faces form emotionless masks
and boredom again ensues
one more needle; one more stitch


*due to the comments I've been getting -- The poem was one I wrote relatively mindlessly with a lot of thoughts going through my head. the beginning is a reference to the lonely and bored feeling that I had at the time. The apple reference was simply an image that came to my mind, the speared through with needles part is to indicate something once sweet now twisted. The next two lines are supposed to be highly contradictory because a lot of times (at least for me) you wish for some time alone when you're with others, but then when you are alone it's almost painful. "worlds colliding locked inside" is talking about an internal struggle during this time with two opposites pulling. one is to accept the loneliness and become whole within myself and the other is to suffer and rely on others. "torn to pieces by emotion exuberantly falling down" is similar to the last line, but it now is pretty much saying that the battle is moving more toward struggle and being unable to stand alone. "life being beauty clad in lies" life can be deceiving, having a hard time seeing whats really there. "eyes shut; ears sewn closed" is a reference simply to humans, as well as myself. not wishing to see what is actually in front of us and determined not to hear things that may cause us any discomfort; in this case determined not to see that I am truly alone. "supreme unchallenged prejudice plastic hearts longing to feel faces form emotionless masks" after the battle to be whole within yourself is lost you still are alone yet now you are struggling. you wish to feel something because after a while of this you feel numb, or plastic. but all the emotion is gone now, since you can't accept the sad feelings themselves you simply erase all emotion entirely, your face to the world then becomes nothing but a mask. "and boredom again ensues one more needle; one more stitch" the battle is completely lost, simply bored once again. this is emphasized by the last line. one more needle (in the apple) -- one more twist in what used to be perfect, one more friend gone, etc. one more stitch -- ears are still sewn shut and are just getting worse with each losing fight.

perhaps this helps to explain? I understand the poem is somewhat cryptic... it was sort of a mindless thing and maybe it only makes sense to me because I was feeling all these things that ended up being words. but nonetheless I like it and I hope this helps.



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Latest Comments

  • 10 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    This is deep
    I like your word choice though I had to use a dictionary on a few
    Very nice free flow
    well done

  • 10 years ago

    by Mezmeryz

    Hi, maybe i'm weird, but i almost understood exactly what you were talking; what you meant by this poem, after i read it second time over. second time, because i had to take in all the description. The imagery used in this poem is very strong and moving, great work. I would advise to put in some punctuation maybe, but otherwise, i don't think i'd change anything myself. I mean, poems are written to express how you feel right? if this is how you felt, then this is how you felt, you choose your own way of expressing yourself, and you did.. =]

    apple half eaten lying there
    speared by needles straight through

    ^^The imagery these lines create in my mind, is vivid.

    torn to pieces by emotion

    ^^ somehow, i noticed how you used the words 'torn to pieces' in this poem, and the last one i read, 'lingering warmth'. Just thought i'd mention it =]

    life being beauty clad in lies
    eyes shut; ears sewn closed

    ^^these lines express what you meant almost perfectly. one of my favourite lines, again the imagery is vivid.

    faces form emotionless masks
    and boredom again ensues
    one more needle; one more stitch

    ^^i love the way you ended this. The last line compliments the line 'eyes shut; ears sewn closed', really well. These are definately my favourite lines.

    I truly enjoyed reading this one, and i'm sure if others get around the language and meaning, they'll be able to relate too!

    Well done, don't stop writing.

    MEZi x

  • 10 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    'Thudding silence enclosing around
    deep suffocating ennui'
    `I think you went a bit overboard with your word choice here - although I knew what your words meant, it was till a bit too much.
    How about saying...
    'Thudding silence enclosing around ennui' - I dont think you need the deep and suffocating because if something encloses around an another thing.. I think it can be inferred easily without putting suffocating in there.

    'apple half eaten lying there
    speared by needles straight through'
    `This was unusual, at first I thought - whats the significance of the apple and needle? Then I thought maybe it had something to do with your previous statement of the silence.

    'solace in beautiful loneliness'
    `I really liked this line, it almost seemed like a quote.

    I'm not going to comment on the rest, cause at times I was getting lost. Your word choice wasnt the main factor, but not having puncuation made your poem have little flow, which made it difficult to read considering you had so many big words for the reader to get over. This poem has really good content, but you need to insert some commas or something because it was kind of difficult to read without a pause in there.

    Good job otherwise, but this needs a little editing.

  • 10 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    After reading Shatter I was really disappointed when I read this as it does not to me hold up as I could not find a thread each line thumps out senselessly? Baffling I read it 5 times and gave up let us know what it is about it helps if it makes sense and it does not to me, Ray S

  • 10 years ago

    by Not Enough

    I don't seem to see the point of the poem. Again, I don't like these types of poems. They're too "poetic." I just don't grasp the concept of writing it. Though, it has great vocabulary and is very descriptive. The flow is good. But I don't understand it.

    Soda E>