I'll start with my honesty, although that ending is a twist and a good one too, it's been used too many times. As I got to the next to final stanza I was predicting the ending, and I was unfortunatly right, sorry.
What was good though, was the use of emotion in this. Reading it I could feel every word, it actually made me feel a little bit down (and I'm normally a happy person lol).
It could maybe do with a few more creative words to spice it up a little, try a thesaurus, it's a great tool.
The flow was constant and enabled me to read fluently and let me really get into the poem.
Thanks for sharing.
To be totally honest i do not believe this poem should be a 5.
the rhyming was forced and offbeat at many points. it didn't flow smoothly, and the rhyming was not adult. happy and see. they don't rhyme the way you put them. it has potential though, don't get me wrong. but it wasn';t written as well as it could have been,