This is interesting... I cannot think of what to comment. Usually I critize people and tell them what to do to make it better... but for you I cannot think of anything! Well I guess I might as well tell you what I liked about it ;)
I really liked how you rhymed 'aaab' very intersting. You never forced any rhymes... that just kinda flowed together so smoothly
Your flow was great, I never felt a jump between the lines.
Really... the only thing I think you can do is add some puncuation... and that isn't even very important... I loved this stanza here:
faceless people never telling
stories heard above the yelling
black and beaten from the shelling
is this war or just my heart
I loved how you put 'faceless people' I just thought 'wow' when I read that... and this part ''is this war or just my heart" I LOVED that part. I stopped and thought about that line... I guess I liked it so much is because I can relate to it... anyways...
The main emotion I felt through this was... well.. I felt darkness. Weird huh? You really can paint a picture in my mind you did an amazing job on this one babe.
I really liked your rhyme schemes, they are such a throw off, but that makes it really neat. This was definitely a darkened poem and you really created some vivid images from this one.
Just a little thing you should know about this site. If you are copying and pasting from a word document or from somewhere else, you might need to edit the poem where it has apostrophes. Otherwise you get some weird jibberish..
"all the bodies that theyÃ¢??re baking"
But welcome to the site, I'm looking forward to reading more from you.