A Lesson Learnt

by HOLLYWOODxBANGBANG   Nov 11, 2007


I can feel the bridges burning beneath my feet,
Tattered and falling, as I walk this lonely street.
I cut the threads bearing the tension from you,
Frayed and gnawed, there`s nothing you can do.

You hear me talking, but don`t make a sound,
Fallen and bruised, my face hits the cold ground.
I loved you, but your fist loved me a little more,
Bullets and blood, I had to end this pathetic war.

Alcohol and cigarettes taint your fading breath,
Nicotine and Whiskey, you wreak of death.
Your fist hits my face, my feet hit this old floor,
Busses and hotels, and a stranger at my door.

He touches me the way that you never would,
Sweet and passionate, it felt so damn good.
He held me close, into the dead of the night;
Breathe in and breathe out, let go of your spite.

I`m leaving my memories of you behind me,
Step by step, my heart is finally feeling free.
A lesson learnt, to never give up hope,
Carry on and live, there`s always an up to every slope.

-Jenna Elphick
November 10, 2007.

[This is a poem written for my Sister, from the perspective of her..it is about an abusive relationship and overcoming it and getting the guts to walk away.]

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by Roxiee An

    Fallen and bruised, my face hits the cold ground.

    I feel the word cold is adding a hindrance to the rhyme pattern

    Alcohol and cigarettes taint your fading breath,
    Nicotine and Whiskey, you wreak of death.

    in the first line above you have changed the pattern as the second and fourth line should be like the first line is cos the pattern is followed in rest of the poem leaving the third stanza

    I`m leaving my memories of you behind me,
    Step by step, my heart is finally feeling free.

    step by step, here again you changed the pattern followed in the rest of poem. it should have something like .......... and.............. and you wrote step by step

    except of these structural criticisations I found the poem well but you know this ruind the whole momentum and the feel of the poem is diminished

    I would give you 4/5 and you should well keep in mind such intricate structural sequences and make a check

    Take care

    I loved the last line and will remember it for life:-)

    Roxiee

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