Funeral

"All the sad memories
Now loosely run free"
-> I love this part.

Just lost a good friend of mine, so this is relatable.

"Looking into the coffin
These wounds time will only mend"
-> These lines made me remember looking down at his lifeless body in the coffin and knowing only time can heal the pain.

I love this poem, truly heart-felt. There are some errors and there are forced rhymes, but the way you perceived things, this deserves a 5/5 :)
Keep writing!

-X

Ang ganda ng tula.

Jad,
Your poem is full of feeling and gets its message across, yet I truly think with more care it could of been a great poem if you had paid a little more attention to rhyme, flow and balance perhaps you could eit it offline and see how it sounds? 4/5

"It's the same as the last
Another person has gone to the vast
While we cry over our lost
Looking at Jesus and the cross"

-I really don't like poems with rhyme schemes such as AABB CCDD. To me, it really doesn't flow.

"Not knowing whether to cry or not
And believe me I have sought
The answer every now and then
But the emotions will eventually rend"

-The last line was...er, I don't know. Not fitting? Sounds like you were just trying to rhyme. Don't force me, though I understand sometimes it's necessary.

"Seeing someone else die
Trying not to cry
Who knows who's next
You could somehow break your neck"

-I really don't like the last line. This stanza went from being mysterious to blunt. I don't really care for bluntness in poems.

"Looking into the coffin
These wounds time will only mend
All the sad memories
Now loosely run free"

-What happened to the rhymes? If you were going for slant rhymes, I don't think it worked out.

"They then lower them into the ground
Never again to make a sound
This life can be so cruel
Taking us to each funeral"

-I like this stanza, but think it could be worded differently.

You should try rhyming dictionaries. There are a lot of free online ones. I personally use www.rhymezone.com

P&Q offers one, too, apparently. I've never used the one on this site. You might want to give it a try, though.

Overall: 3/5
Rated: 5/5

This is a very real poem. My great grandfather died about six months ago. It was the first person I had lost that I was really close to. I was in shock, and still kind of am. Death is a cruel, but unavoidable part of life, and we all have to face it some time or another. I think that's what you were trying to say in your poem.

The overall structure and flow of the poem could use just a little bit of work though. Well not nessesarily the flow, but I think some of the rhymes were forced, and you just used the words because you wanted to make it rhyme. I think free verse can be more beautiful and heart felt than rhyming poems sometimes. So maybe you should try that.

I don't really know what I'm saying though. Haha. Maybe you should just ignore me. Do whatever you feel is best. :]

I loved what you were trying to say in the poem though. It really touched my heart, and make me think of my Grandpa. So thanks.

Great job. :]

Keep writing.

Cayce