Surrender.

by Blissful   Apr 21, 2012


I don't even know what we talk about

all I remember is how the sound
of his voice
sways among my ear
and nestles in the crevice
that longs for it the most

and how his words
dance so gingerly
yet pack a force
brute enough
to bolt through
every
brick I put up

take me.

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  • 5 years ago

    by Omar

    Great poem. It may be short, but you still sent a message. Awesome work :)

  • 5 years ago

    by Melpomene

    Bliss,*

    Your love pieces have grown.

    I'd always have something to say in the past about them, about how you weren't hitting me with the emotion. You know I never meant that in a bad way, I just knew your ability to be emotional and sincere, loving and creative all in one was part of who you are. I just didn't think you had fully unleashed it yet but here I am. This poem intrigued me. Here is why.

    You've created something passionate within these lines, seductive even. The seduction is sensual rather than sexual and that's what I really like. You've got a grasp on writing poems that are a little spicy yet subtle in the way they do so. I don't know if it was your intention for this poem to come off that way but the "take me" at the end had such a tone to it, provoking, that I had to create these connections.

    You have some strong words, thick even. I like the use of brute and gingerly especially together. Ginger as a spice is so thick and dominate and it works here. Brute is definitely an opposite of this and I don't know if you've heard of it but it's also a cologne (brut) but it's got a really thick sent to it too and represented the man for me perfectly here.

    "among" was the only word that trapped me here. Personally I would have put amongst but I'm probably grammatically incorrect (as usual). I just didn't like the sound of the word used in that context strangely enough.

    I think I'm most fond of the opening and closing lines. Both strong and powerful, both using everyday language to their advantage. It entices the reader.

    Lovely one Blissy!
    Mel

  • 5 years ago

    by Steven Beesley

    A short piece, yet it delivers the images and message so well.

    A nice read.

  • 5 years ago

    by Akerele1 Segun22

    Nice piece,powerful poet.

  • 5 years ago

    by Akerele1 Segun22

    Nice piece,powerful poet.

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