*I know this is very long... got on a roll writing and this is how it ended up, lol. Any suggestions/criticisms are welcome, should it be shortened? Just wondering.
"Dear Diary" is how each page began and closed with "Love, Dollie";
the top right corner held the date of each entry,
ranging from 1931 when she was eight years old
to just yesterday 2012.
Her first diary was a gift from her precious mother,
told her a story of how a diary could be her safe haven,
only being just eight years old, she doodled more rainbows and flowers
than she penned her young thoughts.
Years escaped right through her fingers, she was fifteen and knew it all,
her diary held nothing but blank pages and scribbled out i love you's.
One night as she clinched her tear stained pillow after a harsh break-up
with the "love of her life", she glanced over to see the little red book
pleading to her to open and write, inviting her to share her life.
Every emotion she ever felt - rage, love, lust, or happiness,
each page was drenched with memories, thoughts and hope.
When one was filled to the brim of emotion,
not an inch of room to scrawl another word,
she'd go to the nickel and dime store to buy another,
however one Christmas she received a gift...
a set of 12 monogrammed journals with her initials,
jet black with a metallic silver DME on the cover.
Quickly changing from a bouncy teeny bopper to a mommy and nurse,
waking up at the crack of dawn,
sitting on her front porch, waiting for the sun to arise,
sipping piping hot coffee as she relaxed and wrote,
countless pages filled with new adventures with her two rambunctious boys,
the occassional ventings of how her husband never listened,
and prayers for each one of her patients.
You could begin to see the wear and tear,
no longer brand new, her pages are crinkled and ripped,
her spine no longer strong.
The last year had been tougher than nails,
reading her past to try and remember,
sometimes it sparked her memory, often not,
just stories she read to keep herself entertained.
Yesterday she was Dollie,
smiling, enjoying the sweet rays of sunshine peeping through her window.
She held a little blue book in her lap, humming her favorite hymn.
When she noticed me staring from the doorway she sighed,
"Come here, honeychild...sit with me for a while"
Her face lit up as she handed me the unknown book and a necklace with a golden key that shined across the room when the sun gleamed on it.
All she had to say was the first page,
you carry my legacy,
you will know what to do.
Softly weeping I now know what she means,
I own the key to her trunk, full of her memories.
As I opened the book to read her last entry,
out of the corner of my eye I seen her close her eyes and smile.
This is my last entry, my last day on Earth. Thank you dear Lord for letting me be me today; Thank you to my dear best friend who listened without interruption, without judging. Who knew paper could be better than a living
being? Be there for my grandbaby just as you were for me, she will carry on just like I never stopped. Give her guidance, give her strength, give her hope. Show her the life she can achieve through you... how her words can run
off this page and lead her to her dreams. Although this sickness has taken it's toll on me, I know you and God have always been there... I could always count on you. Thank you.
I think.. as a poem, it could be shortened whilst giving the same message/story and it might (possibly) be more powerful.
A huge risk with long narratives is that the reader may lose interest, and skim to the end of the piece/poem without really understanding it (not that I did lol).
I did enjoy reading this. The idea was creative. But to be perfectly honest, it's not that original anymore and a little too predictable.. I know it is hard to write a unique story now, since a lot has already been written, but it is what we always look for. I would have wanted a little more suspense; a twist, something that would surprise me.
I liked how you ended it with the last page of her diary. I've read this more than twice now, and if you don't mind, I have a suggestion :)
I think it would be better if the excerpt was written as a 'poem'; a little more poetic..?
But overall, this was well-written. You have a great idea here that needs just a little more work on (in my opinion) Lovely write though.
Keep it up :)