Irony and forgiveness (for Robyn)

by Brenda   Feb 22, 2018

They drip poison
into my veins,
to stop the poison
that's invaded my body...
Now that's irony!
My mom
stunned into silence,
shattered by the knowledge,
her baby bird
struggles to fly.
Knowing those warm coastal breezes
aren't reaching
my winter home...
I fight with the guilt.
I did so many wrong,
hurt the ones
that love me the most-
killing their dreams
of what could have been.
Kind of like
this cancer,
hell bent on killing me...
Now that's irony!
How do you let go?
Rid yourself of the guilt
of a life
that's strewn with casualties.
How do you make peace?
With yourself?
Tipping the scales
back to the give,
not the take...
Just like me,
it's a work in progress...
Mama, I love you-
Don't ever forget that.
I'm so sorry
for the pain I've caused.
For all the long nights
you paced about,
worrying where I was.
For the tears you've shed
over the decisions I've made...
I can't change the past.
Those days are long gone-
Each new day now arrives
with fresh amends
that I approach with an open heart
and a clear mind.
I know what I have to do.
This journey's not over-
This disease is kicking my ass
but like that sturdy Maple
who birthed me,
my roots go deep...
Those warm coastal breezes
are not far away...


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Latest Comments

  • 1 hour ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Hello Benda,

    your capacity for empathy and love is evident; not only in this wonderful tribute to Robyn and Andrea, but in the support you offer us all.

    Thank you for being you. ((hugs))

  • 1 week ago

    by Maple Tree

    Forgive me my friend for not commenting until now, but to be honest it's as if Robyn hersef wrote took me back a bit. This is beautiful and you have captured her soul in this poem.

    Bird is now losing the ability to think clearly so our conversations are minimal...we do a ton of Gigggggles about silly stuff and I'm afraid our time for heart to hearts is for me to read this now just brought me to tears.... I can't thank this Community enough and you for your love and support...hugs you

    • 1 week ago

      by Brenda

      Andrea, never feel as if you have to apologize. I take great comfort in knowing you find some kind of solace and peace in any of my words. I always worry that I may cause you pain in this process and I would never ever want to do this. This journey you and Robyn have been on has been full of so many twists,and turns. My hopes for you two is just to find peace and for Robyn to know she's been forgiven for anything she feels bad about. So giggle with her and just enjoy the time you have left with her. Hugs my friend.

  • 2 weeks ago

    by Sai

    A wonderful tribute. It never fails to amaze me the ways poetry can touch the human soul.

    • 1 week ago

      by Brenda

      Sai, thank you so much! It is amazing isn't it?

  • 3 weeks ago

    by Nema

    Brenda, this is a heartbreaking poem. I don't know what to say on this comment but I'll do my best.
    I don't know the story behind what happened to Maple and Robyn but without even knowing, your poem made it so vivid and I was able to see the suffering and pain she went through.

    "My mom
    stunned into silence,
    shattered by the knowledge,
    her baby bird
    struggles to fly.
    Knowing those warm coastal breezes
    aren't reaching
    my winter home..."
    ^ This is such a lovely stanza. The words "winter home" made me feel some warmth, lost somewhere there in the poem and what's hidden beneath it. I loved it.

    I love the way you ended it as well. I read the poem twice and I enjoyed it in both times, even more the second time. Well written, Brenda. And to write about someone else's experience is so humane of you. You are beautiful :)

    Keep writing!

    • 3 weeks ago

      by Brenda

      Nema, thank you so much for your lovely comments. A little backstory; Andrea is Maple Tree, Robyn is her daughter. Robyn is terminally ill at the moment and before this she had been through a lot of problems. My only way of attempting to understand what it's like to be in that position is to write. I'm a mother myself with girls close to Robyns age. For what they are going through right now is unfathomable . It's my only way of even remotely beginning to come to terms with this.

  • 3 weeks ago

    by naaz

    Brenda, another poem dedicated to our dear friend's daughter. It really took me some time to think what should I write as a comment. Even after reading it again and again I don't know what to say.

    In this poem, once again, you have portrayed the emotions of Robyn.

    Somewhere the consequences of her actions (right or wrong, I don't know) because I am no one to judge.
    I have just turned 18 and I have got some rights to do few things which obviously I couldn't have done before. It's like a whole new world has opened for me and I am enjoying those things. Soon, I will learn from my mistakes what is wrong and right among the things I am doing.

    Somewhere the progress in her life she is making by realizing all those things went wrong in her life. And how she is on a path to bring good in the life of others. These minor changes she made in her life now making the big differences in the life of others, Especially, her mother.
    Her mother feels confident when she sees how determined is her daughter towards the life now. Her daughter got the motive to live, to fight back once again.

    Brenda, all those stanzas where you mentioned about the irony were hard to read and full of pain.
    But with the last stanza you removed the weight of irony from our hearts and filled them with hope once again. Love you for that.

    All of us want a beautiful future for her somewhere in those warm coastal breezes.

    • 3 weeks ago

      by Brenda

      As always Naaz you really go in depth, which is awesome. Now that you are that magical 18 and allowed many more freedoms you will find some of the choices you make not so good. It is all part of growing up. We learn and we grow (hopefully) from them. We all have done stuff we regret but learning to let go of those regrets and moving on is all part of growing. Thank you as always Naaz.

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