I'm glad that it's a secret --that your words fill me with joy--
and that you haven't seemed to notice the fake voice that I employ
in an attempt to sound more straight, 'cause I'm ashamed of what I am,
and I would like to stay right where we are, but only if I can.
It's hard to manage all these feelings that you'll never know
when, at the same time, I can tell you anything 'cause we're so close.
I feel that it's a breach of trust, even if only just a bit,
that I've this grand secret I keep from you, and loving you is it.
I know you have a girlfriend (I've been down that road before)
and that this love is the equivalent to an unopened door;
one that I can only gaze at, ponder what might lay behind,
but never even touch the handle lest I lose what isn't mine.
I value this, our friendship, and these secrets shall remain
behind a door I will not open and a dream I'll have in vain.
If I'm successful I will take these feelings with me to my grave
aware that what was more important was the friendship that I saved.
Oh my goodness!! First of all, I was already tearing up just from reading the title. Just...wow. My heart strings are tugged (more like yanked) and this has definitely struck a few chords in me. Not only is this written well, but I can really feel the anguish of the pulling and tugging between love and friendship, secrets and desire. Dealing with emotions on a good day can be difficult...but dealing with emotions of love, especially in a situation like this, is a whole other story. My heart aches for you. That's a heavy secret to keep, and the weight of it can be crushing. I'm not sure what more to say except I hope so much that one day you won't feel ashamed of who you are, and will love yourself completely and without fear <3 The heart is a resilient little thing. So much love to you, hon.