by Kaylee   Jul 25, 2006

I dream-I surrender,
Identity misplaced,
Tossed into the fire,

A scribbled secret,
Engraved in breath,
Ignited faint lungs,
Shallow in depth,

......Close the door,
........Lock him out,

Hidden jewel-Speach,
Alcohol stained frost,
Slurred confessions,
Somber-Words stumble,

Parted chapped pink,
Deserted black road.
Buried nervous heart,
Isolated lips-Unheard,

......Close the door,
........Lock him out,

I'm just scared I lost myself


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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Darien

    Another great poem Kaylee. You really like using the pause. That really gets me thinking. Good job :)

    Again, your poems are really good and have matured a lot. Keep on writing!

  • 12 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    Not too bad... a bit weak at the ending. I did like the beginning though.

    Good job

    xDarksuicidex 4.5

  • 12 years ago

    by Samantha Hollywood

    Kaylee --
    I`m just bored, so commenting on people`s work. =D Hope you don`t mind.

    I gave this poem a 4/5 because of the flow and the rhyming. In poetry, as I`m sure you know, flow is very important. I just couldn`t get a secure grasp of flow anywhere in this poem - that part needs some work. But the rhyming also messed me up - only one of your stanzas rhymed. I don`t know if this was an unrhyming poem, and you didn`t realize that you had rhymed- but you did, and it kind of messed me up. I would either make all stanzas rhyme, or make none of them rhyme. Just my opinion. =D

    Love Much,
    Samantha Hollywood

  • 12 years ago

    by goddess-glamourpuss

    This one made me feel really uneasy.
    The language was strong and I liked that it flowed well too but I don't know what makes me feel uneasy abvout it. sorry :(

  • 12 years ago

    by AnnMarie

    I love this poem it is very different!! The flow was there and it left me wanting more and I really understood it! Great job five5