Tarnished Mute

by Kaylee   Jul 28, 2006


Wire skin attached anorexic limbs,
With rohypnol salted tongue,
Vodka glassed innocent's cup,
Sputtered peppered distortions,

Estranged silhouette blurred,
With fervent conviction,
Nuzzled anemic stomach,
Discount mumbled protesting,

Wire skin attached anorexic limbs,
Defiled with sewaged matchstick,
Ants mislead onward through tips,
Disregard muted howling.

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Bret Higgins

    I hope this poem is written soully for your own satisfactin. I can get maybe a glimpse of what you want to convey but you've veiled the message in so much ambiguity that it's impossible to get everything a reader needs to enjoy the poem properly.

    The word works, don't get me wrong but I think you could have done a better job of getting your story out.

    I had the same problem, check out my first five poems and you'll see what I mean. It was a hard pill to swallow but I soon learned that being clever with words and phrases (with rohypnol salted tongue is genius) doesn't necvessarily make for a perfect poem.

    Bret

  • 11 years ago

    by Biscuit

    Err, this doesnt really make sense to me... 'rohypnol'?? is that even a word? these sentences seem to be in random fragments and they dont really flow....im sure this would be a lot better if i knew what it was about but i really cant work it out :(

    -biscuit-

  • 11 years ago

    by Bhavin

    Hey Kaylee,

    I have been your fan for quite a long time. Never tried to comment earlier so really for that. By the way its a very well written poem with rich use of vocabulary. But I have an advice, kindly write a synopsis of this poem below since a common reader might find it difficult to understand the concept. Just an advice.

    5/5 of course.

  • 11 years ago

    by Jasmyn

    This was good. liked the descriptions

  • 11 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    Very powerful... I loved this... And I'm not sure what else to say, Forgive me.
    I usually have a lot more to say..

    xDarkSuicidex 5.5