I hope this poem is written soully for your own satisfactin. I can get maybe a glimpse of what you want to convey but you've veiled the message in so much ambiguity that it's impossible to get everything a reader needs to enjoy the poem properly.
The word works, don't get me wrong but I think you could have done a better job of getting your story out.
I had the same problem, check out my first five poems and you'll see what I mean. It was a hard pill to swallow but I soon learned that being clever with words and phrases (with rohypnol salted tongue is genius) doesn't necvessarily make for a perfect poem.
Err, this doesnt really make sense to me... 'rohypnol'?? is that even a word? these sentences seem to be in random fragments and they dont really flow....im sure this would be a lot better if i knew what it was about but i really cant work it out :(
I have been your fan for quite a long time. Never tried to comment earlier so really for that. By the way its a very well written poem with rich use of vocabulary. But I have an advice, kindly write a synopsis of this poem below since a common reader might find it difficult to understand the concept. Just an advice.