My wish

by JaMeS   Sep 19, 2007


Tonight i stand below my sky,
my canvas a stormy blue,
my eyes fixated upon one star,
distant yet shining threw.

majestic and so beautiful,
the warmth in chilling air,
the beacon of true understanding,
with a caring forever there.

in the midst of this soulful background,
my wish now ever growing,
like wispy clouds I'm torn apart,
with the doubt of never knowing.

to stand below in such silence,
feeling a hearts wish sent above,
demanding a much impossible reply,
to return my grandparents love.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Hebe

    Great poem!
    The emotions in it are beautiful.
    Loved reading this piece.
    Take care!

  • 16 years ago

    by Polaroid

    Wow, that was really well done, i adored it, WOW, left me speachless
    5/5
    polaroid

  • 16 years ago

    by emily charles

    That was great babe :)
    love your poems
    xoxo

  • 16 years ago

    by Void

    I really liked this write. I have no criticism to do with the flow,rhythm, rhyming or words in general because, well it was just that good :). However, I did notice some (very non-important) spelling mistakes. You shouldn't take it personally, I don't want this to be a rude thing, it's just that I know there are many poems that get unfairly judged because the reader was distracted by simple errors such as spelling and grammar. It catches the eyes of whoever is reading, and sometimes causes frusteration (or maybe it just distracts them from your rhythm - which is held up too well to go unnoticed). So, anyway, this line:

    distant yet shining {threw.}
    ** 'threw' should be 'through' , otherwise you're talking about the kind of 'threw' for throwing a ball.

    And this one I'm not exactly sure about, but I swear there is an 'h' after the 'w' :

    like {wispy} clouds I'm torn apart

    That's all for the spelling really. The only thing I noticed now was the lack of capitolization - however I try not to talk about that one so much because most of the time in poetry, it is up to the writer. I just saw that you started the poem in a capital, so I wasn't sure if you wanted to follow in the pattern and keep it going...

    Anyway, I really don't want to be rude. Please know that I loved the poem itself. The meaning was sweet and heartfelt, and your rhythm kept up so well. I don't see that alot anymore. It was a really well done piece, and I hope I didn't offend you by being all pushy with the grammar lol. It's your work and your decision. Wonderful write. Stay wonderful. :)

  • 16 years ago

    by Just Lucy

    James thats a fantastic poem, see the reason you were in a block was so that you could save up such emotion. great poem James, I really liked it!!!