Look Through My Eyes (contest)

by Choose xX Alex Xx Life   Oct 21, 2007

Slaughtered; In a constant daze,
How the hell did she end up like this?
Nobody noticed, understood
Couldn't read the signs that you missed.

Happiness came, happiness went,
Only now its written to you clear.
An A-B-C structure simple enough?
When sadness drew you went near.

For goodness sake try to visualize,
How she felt when you fought,
You screamed and shouted at each other,
Forgetting the ones that you loved.

Look through my eyes now,
Wheres she gone? Your little girl.
Disappeared through her silence
Your arguing became her world.

Little brother asking for his mummy
Too busy fighting down stairs.
She goes to confront them,
Theres only so much a girl can bare.

Thats it enough time to confront
Them her heart decides,
That angry look dominating her face
Now you look through my eyes.

She screams she shouts she yells,
For gods sake stop acting like this!
Too busy acting like stupid children
To leave fantasy and face what the reality is.

One day you might understand,
The psychological impact it had,
Depression, suicidal, catastrophic,
How quickly a life went from good to bad.

I bet your surprised now however,
For now there are no more cries.
Shes able to stand bigger than you,
Now look through my eyes.

A constant smile is across my face,
I am now grateful for what I get.
True love, a job, a life of smiles
On my past I shall not fret.


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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Blissful


    So basically this poem almost made me cry. Each word held such power and punch that it truly imacted me. The beginning was great, you started off slow and told a touching story but the ending was the best, how it held hope and promise.

    Well done *5/5* for sure

  • 11 years ago

    by Pete

    One thing that really shows in this poem is either how dark your personality can be .. OR .. just how much your imagination can really roam. Such a good use of really dark powerful imagery, really captivates the reader.

    You seem to have missed a few apostophes in this piece ..
    "Wheres she gone? Your little girl."
    "Theres (There's) only so much a girl can bare (bear)."

    It is a really good deep dark poem, it could do with a little fine tuning though.


  • 11 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    Wow, I like this a lot...
    Greatly written piece from the beginning to the end, so effective and captivating. Unique and refreshing dark poem, with powerful and haunting imagery. I like the flow of the whole piece and the deeply dark atmosphere that you created.
    My favorite stanza is:

    -Happiness came, happiness went,
    Only now its written to you clear.
    An A-B-C structure simple enough?
    When sadness drew you went near.-
    Very effective.
    The ending stanza is also truly powerful.

  • 11 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    I think it's good for everybody to have to struggle a few times growing up, maybe have some hard times that change your life. We'll become better people as we grow if we have to endure hardships along the way. Excellent job 5/5 GG23

  • 11 years ago

    by Shinobi

    A really interesting story. The flow was great, and so were the structure and rhymes. Again nothing bad I can relate to 5/5