You make me want to write bad poetry.

You know that awkward moment after a long long years of moving on, then you accidentally bumped with the girl who used to be your world, together with her boyfriend. oh oww!

Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria's
Secret when I can hold your ( . ) ( . ) all day for free.

Obesity: When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you.

She's so far out of my league she's playing for the other team.

Your so cute, baby seals and puppy's send each other post cards of you

Our relationship has about the same chance surviving as a snowball in hell. Unless you make an effort to remove the polar icecap shoved up your as*.

Do you want a medal or a chest to pin it on?

Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he's a keeper.

I love how when I get online you get offline. Like a little game of cat and mouse, don't you think?