My wife said I was so fat that if the starving were cannibals I could feed half the world. I said we should donate BOTH our bodies and end world hunger in one go. And now she's not talking to me. Charming!

Dont mess with a girl who can leave you messed up

If i WANTED to hear from an a-hole, I'd fart

If you are what you eat, then I guess you're a cow.

I don't like being an object. especially not an object with boobs. eyes on the face sweetie.

Morse code turns me on, and off, and on, and off, and ON!

They call it PMS for a reason... Putting up with Mens Shit...

Ya know... if a person has multiple personalities, and one personality falls in love with the other personality... then wat..

Its okay to stare a little bit,
but when you're staring like I'm a statue,
thats when i call you the creeper

Move on. It's a chapter in the past. But don't close the book, just turn the page.