Shh, little one, it's okay. [Prose]

by Cayce   Mar 22, 2008


[Shh, little one, it's okay.]
Little shivers are continually shooting through my body. They're almost like my own personal lullaby coaxing me to sleep. Our hearts do flutter together like the wings of a butterfly. But, as I lay here tonight, on this cold, tiled, bathroom floor, I guess it doesn't matter.

As these sins splash to the floor, my mind is in it's own race to see how many flashbacks it can reveal to my already fragile heart. Over and over, these flashbacks arrive, trying to drive me insane, but can you really drive a sociopath insane?

Destructive words are screamed, limbs are flailing. Those horrid taboo thoughts of metallic liquid were clouding my head, again. Sometimes, I wish I could just shut my brain down, maybe, put a "back in five minutes" sign on it. [Press down harder. You want this. You need this]. Those voices are whispering to me again. I'm in a fit of passion so strong that the world around me blurs. Maybe, I've let out too many sins this time. Too many escaped. Do we need sin in our body? I didn't think so, but these black spots are getting awfully big.

I think it's the sin that makes us human, but I want to be a goddess, so pure, so clean, so beautiful. Immortality, will we ever discover this secret? Will we ever be able to outsmart and deceive death?

It's so beautiful how these silver sins seem to run together, rushing out like they've been trapped for so long. I saved them. I set them free. This art is making me forget your harsh, unwanted words. [That's right, sweetie, relish in the sweet flavor of hell. Bury the concern, but more importantly bury the love. You don't need him or anyone else. You just need me.]

Laying here on this bathroom floor, I've opened my eyes. I'll drown myself in these mellifluous lies one day. Just ignore me when I scream for the truth, because really, I just want a lie.

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So, I was really inspired by this certain person I met on here. I usually write about fiction, but I decided to write from my heart this time. I wrote it as a prose, because I wanted to be free to express myself a little more freely than a poem would let you. I'm not really sure if this is good, but I really tried to let the words come from my heart instead of just my brain. It would mean a lot if you could tell me exactly what you think about this, because it's something really new, and I just don't know about it.

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  • 11 years ago

    by stillmomsgirl

    Very beautifully written. And so true.
    I've experienced firsthand, the cutting being a voice. It's like a voice that scolds me when i don't want to bleed and insults me when i want to be happy. then I realize it's not someone elses voice... it's my own.

    "Laying here on this bathroom floor, I've opened my eyes. I'll drown myself in these mellifluous lies one day. Just ignore me when I scream for the truth, because really, I just want a lie. "

    my favorite line/stanza
    you put so much emotion into this poem, beautiful, 5/5

    ~Toni

  • 11 years ago

    by A Perfect Lie

    "But, as I lay here tonight, on this cold, tiled, bathroom floor, I guess it doesn't matter"

    - I think that last part "I guess it doesn't matter", is one that holds so much strength, power, and regret. I can't explain the power it holds to me, I can just relate to it so much.

    "As these sins splash to the floor"

    - I loved this idea. As in, you're ridding yourself of your sins as they splash to the floor. Again, such a powerful line.

    "race to see how many flashbacks it can reveal to my already fragile heart."

    - I particularly love this line. In a way, it's as if you want the flashbacks, to get them over with, and to make you even more fragile. It's so hard to explain. - I don't know, thats what it's like to me.

    "but can you really drive a sociopath insane?"

    - I think the fact that you added a question here is a good move. It makes the reader stop and ponder on the question, and actually contemplate the question, there's irony in it, which is good.

    "Destructive words are screamed, limbs are flailing."

    - I like the way you wrote about the physical and emotional side of things, a good comparison, and makes it more memorable.

    "[Press down harder. You want this. You need this]. Those voices are whispering to me again."

    - Wow. The part it brackets particularly hit me. That voice, that 'need' and 'want' you're told of, its so strong and you portray that so well.

    "I'm in a fit of passion so strong that the world around me blurs."

    - I love that last part. "the world around me blurs". It's such an interesting concept that so many people can relate to. Where you are so entangled, so wrapped up, you can't even see people around you or the world outside of your problems.

    "I think it's the sin that makes us human, but I want to be a goddess, so pure, so clean, so beautiful."
    This sentence made me think. It reminds me of the thoughts that go along with an eating disorder; where being human, being normal is not enough, you want to be able to be pure, flawless, beautiful ... perfect. And nothing and no one else is enough to fill that void, that need.

    "[That's right, sweetie, relish in the sweet flavor of hell. Bury the concern, but more importantly bury the love. You don't need him or anyone else. You just need me.]"

    - Again, it reminds me of living with an eating disorder; where you are told you need nothing and no one other than her. Than that voice that drives you to death, yet keeps you alive.

    "Just ignore me when I scream for the truth, because really, I just want a lie."

    I think this reflects a little bit of all of us. We say we want the honesty, the truth, when all we want, and sometimes all we need, is that perfect lie. (excuse the punn – my name "A Perfect Lie"). But it's so true.

    Anyway, after getting carried away, I wanted to say that I think this is one of the best poems on this site. I love that you steered away from rhyme schemes, and wrote it the way you needed to write it, and it certainly paid off. Your emotions were conveyed so amazingly.

    5/5

  • WoW, okay I dont really like things like this, but for some reason this just stood out and the more I read the more I wanted to read it!

    This is really really good! I love how you layed it out and how descriptive you were.

    "But, as I lay here tonight, on this cold, tiled, bathroom floor, I guess it doesn't matter."
    ^^^

    I love this because you have described it so well and the emotions just jump through the words.
    My favourite bit of this though is the
    "I guess it doesn't matter" that alone shows such hurt and upset.

    "As these sins splash to the floor, my mind is in it's own race to see how many flashbacks it can reveal to my already fragile heart."
    ^^^^

    I love the description, “"As these sins splash to the floor" You have such a way with words that the reader can picture this clearly.

    "Those horrid taboo thoughts of metallic liquid were clouding my head, again. "
    ^^^^

    Again such description. Such great imagery come with these words you use.

    "[Press down harder. You want this. You need this]. Those voices are whispering to me again."
    ^^^^

    I love this because I can relate to it I guess, I've been there and heard these voices and you have just captured it perfectly. Great Job =)

    "Immortality, will we ever discover this secret?"
    ^^^^

    Great question. I love when writers ask a question in their work. It allows the reader to enter the poem more, and allows them to sit there and think this! Great Job here =)

    "Will we ever be able to outsmart and deceive death?"
    ^^^^

    Again the question, such a great way to get the reader involved.

    "Bury the concern, but more importantly bury the love. You don't need him or anyone else. You just need me.] "

    I chose this as I can relate, I have had a voice telling me "you don't need them, you just need me" and this really hit home. Again great job =)

    5 from me

    ~ This Mask I Hold Is Not Held Tight ~

  • 11 years ago

    by she

    I'm speechless, this is a 5/5.
    how you expressed yourself was beautifull

  • 11 years ago

    by Mezmeryz

    Hey, poem or not, your words were still poetry to my ears. and no, i dont think im classifed as deaf. =] so, i totally loved your volcabulary, its just awesome. i did find some bits like really tricky to understand although i read it twice, but i guess that's part of the [prose] thing; its your feellings from your heart, should be difficult for others to totally understand right? and the [prose] /poem by the way, seemed to have a flow, like wow, with no apparent rhymes, thats awesome indeed.
    great work, and i think im on a high; still mean all i said though!
    take care =] x