I quite like the opening lines, though at first, I didn't. It was kind of like, starting out moderately weak so show the faintness of your emotion, but strengthening it as the piece goes on and repeating those lines as emphasis on how the pain overtakes you. It creeps up, and then it just engulfs everything. And as those lines surround the piece itself, I saw it as just that.
You begin with such beautiful imagery. It's saddening, but so gentle. And you ease into such singing words, it's stunning:
Petals burnt to ember; as
you lied yourself to burn.
`They just really stuck out to me. I can't quite say why ... It just relates to life in my eyes, and you wrote it in such a simple, straightforward, but deep way.
Who are you? I've asked, yet
I'm sure you've never known.
`I adored this. It's so questioning, and I felt anger behind the words I read it, though that might not have been your intent. Answering the question yourself sort of gives off a mockery, and it's quite striking.
And as you end that stanza, it's stunning. I picture a beautiful fluttery just collapsing into a bed of sheer, insipid snow and it was just stunning. A beautiful representation--a metaphor that probably won't leave my mind for a while.
Beautiful write. It's so heart wrenching, but you're able to keep a haunting sort of air to it so it's not completely overtaken by just emotion.