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by End Of Eternity Oct 31, 2009
Sadness, depression /
If I tell you to sleep with open eyes
Will you still dream of me dying
Hold my hands and kiss my head
Will you still hear me crying
Look at the dividing line in air
Separating my skin from your skin
Drowning my soul in your aroma
Repeatedly imagining our sweet sin
If I ask you to be on your knees forever
Will you pray till we meet on the other side
Keep your hands and knees folded
Wrap in my memories within your mind
I have chased horizon, kissed sun
Yet craving for a touch from you
With angels all around, I walk alone
Wondering if your sky is still blue
A greatly rhymed piece oozing with bittersweet love. It hurts at the same time it has something so beautiful in it.
by Giegielove Goddess Poet
The first stanza is very powerful with emotion, it immediately grabs you and pulls you in. You brace yourself for the tragedy you feel you are about to read.
The second stanza then makes you feel lighter, bringing feelings of awareness. In the first line however, I read it while subconsciously adding a word to make it fit better for me.
The third stanza delivers what may be expected at this point; a mix of sadness and happiness. The hopes of this person make it sad, yet reflecting on memories possesses a bit of joy in reminiscing.
The fourth stanza, is a great ending. You are just as powerful, if not more, as you are in the first stanza. The last two closing lines deliver the concern like a solid punch to the face.
I really enjoyed reading your poem. You have good creative abilities, and definitely invest your heart. :) 5/5
by Vic Johns
Great poem! 5/5 for you!
by Maple Tree