If Only I Would Have Listened.

"As dawn's whisper
plants a kiss"

I tend to have something for poems that start with a certain part of the day it kind of sets a certain emotion to match that specific time, and sets the atmosphere.

"our last embrace lingers
a crippled record
we forgot to foster"

I adored the use of "foster" here, I like this stanza best out of the whole poem simply because its so cleverly worded.. this had me thinking of being cut short. how the embrace should've been, could've been, so much more but the lovers didn't work at it and left unfinished business lingering somewhere.

"Chances deemed as aloof"
^
genius.
I can't find much to say, this like most poetry explains a situation that happens atleast once in every
ones life, and although this seem to be about two lovers, well almost lovers. you could just sip the meaning from behind it and understand that it is about
missing chances and then accepting that there is no use in torturing yourself....

the diction wasn't heavy,but it wasn't simple either
there were some words here and there that you don't see everywhere the impact of this poem was huge, and that ending just keeps echoing in my mind.
well done

As dawn's whisper
plants a kiss on
cheeks painted with
cherry blossom

our last embrace lingers
as a crippled record
we forgot to foster.
^^^
I know commenting on imagery is soooo overused on this site but dang girl, this part paints such a sad picture. I can see two people embracing tightly not really (wanting) to let go. I think your use of "cherry blossom" fits perfectly as cherry blossom can symbolize something that is short lived. So perhaps you mean the kiss was short lived and not near long enough or the relationship was short lived.
Either way it was a great insertion

If only hummingbirds
carried the ability
to nestle dreams
beneath their wings
bestowing promise
upon a young heart.
^^^
I love this verse for its originality. Very clever how you used the hummingbird, being that they are the only bird able to fly backwards. Perhaps I am reading this wrong but I feel you have used the hummingbird as a symbol for turning back time ?
I think an addition of another line or two between this verse and the next would link them better though. I just feel like it is missing something ... or perhaps I just want to read more ... lol

I can strangle my thoughts
with regrets
and stumble on chances
deemed as aloof
but that won't
console your smile
any closer.
^^^
And here is why I found that the hummingbird from your previous verse fit so perfectly. And the turning back of time.

I am really interested to know if I am reading this correctly. You have painted such brilliant heart -wrenching imagery for me, that I gave it wings of my own and now it is stuck in my head ... lol

Wonderful read Bliss !!! I am so glad you took the challenge. This is definitely deserving of a nomination in my books.

I love that ending, with the use of 'aloof'. :) This is a typical - Bliss - love poem, definitely :)

I feel using 'as' twice the way you did read kind of funny to me. The first as I like, but here:

"as a crippled record"

I feel doesn't work, and just taking it out would be okay. To me it seems the first and second stanza go so well together, so with that 'as' it seems like you're not quite finishing a thought, or perhaps you did finish a thought beforehand but it didn't really seem like it? Does that make sense? Lol

Overall this was beautiful. Lu's prompts are awesome and I'm glad you got to write something out of it, too! :D

"our last embrace lingers
as a crippled record
we forgot to foster"

<3

I can't..
I have so much to say
when I arrive at work and I'm at peace
I'll comment something better...

what a winner.