The Tainted Clock

Well worded my friend. it flowed so well, as if reading a play.

much enjoyed

Beautifully written, loved the title & just loved these lines, immense depth:

Promises captivate fleeting hearts
that die in lust under blind skies,
wherein trust has faded and past away
into the unclear future of another day

all the best and take care

First off, I like the title of this poem as it surely is an eye catcher!

Sorrow etches life into fading dreams
that echo their despair when
sun is faded and moon is dead

^I like the blend here of sorrow rising as the sun sets; and it sure brings a sad feeling to see the fading of the sun and in this write the fading of a happy moment in the writer's life..is what I felt here.

yet in a lie that said
there was hope and love

^Sometimes its those little lies that helps us to get through and when we do it all shatters to know that it was not at all the truth. The pain in this line grows deeper..

Promises captivate fleeting hearts
that die in lust under blind skies,

^How true, just like a small lie promises also catches a unsteady heart, gives it hope and nurtures it until feelings ware off and the truth emerges. I also like the use of this sentence "blind skies" as I feel it reflects the heart. The heart blindly believes and falls for flowered scented words!

wherein trust has faded and past away
into the unclear future of another day

^Trust is a hard thing to earn once it is broken and I liked how you have used it here in this line leaving everything ahead of us blurry.

Alas the tainted clock has ended
and all has been left to ruins.

^This like saying time itself has been used and stained with sin and it will keep on ticking like a reminder even under all the rubbles of mistakes and sins.

So that when dreams are reborn
they'll be shattered and torn
and soon forgotten once and for all
realizing lies were all they saw.

^Such a heart rendering ending for this write. For when a new generation emerges, they are born into this lying world and it becomes a never ending cycle of trust been broken and life left in shambles..a touching write.

Austin, time has a strange way of shaping the emotions we have regarding love and life in general. Sometimes the outlook is not positive and we feel that the future looks bleak for love and life. As with all things, the passage of time does improve love and life, we just have to be open to that improvement and not let the past hold us back. Well done again to you.

Austin, you were wrong, you should have told me, I painted a sad portray rather than you write a sad poem.

this was fabulous, totally different than the last one, well ofcourse, less hope! But damn, this belongs to you the way the other sad poems do!

The opening was such an eye catcher, and it kept the mood playing in a way to keep the reader caught up with "whats next"...however I loved the way your 2nd stanza brought us more into the core of your emotions...but with deeper expressions!

I edited the punctuation here..check if you like,,donu just felt like it needed certain pauses and added contractions like "the"..changed said to "told" i donu i made few suggestions : etc

Sorrow etches life, into fading dreams
that echo their despair when the
sun is faded and the moon is dead-
yet in a lie told
there was hope and love,
I shall deny that truth from up above.

Promises captivate fleeting hearts
that die within lust under blind skies,
wherein trust has faded and past away
into the unclear future of another day,
but fear not for all things will soon end
when this world is buried under sin.

Alas, the tainted clock has ended
and all has been left to ruins.
So that when dreams are reborn
they'll be shattered and torn,
and soon forgotten once and for all
realizing lies were all they saw.

however, excellent piece!