You once told me, through the quiver
of a lazy street light that I was a twin to the
universe we saw at that very moment.
And, my skin mimicked the city,
roadmaps appearing like confused creases against
each written prose of my forehead.
Even when the freckles on my cheeks aligned
Venus for you; you'd see stop signs on my breath,
every time the sun set in the West I argued North with a
reason for you not to kiss me.
Yet with the pavement cracked beneath us and
time lingering above our heads, garbage littered our
hopes like the streets of Sydney but
In the A.M of a month I don't remember, you still
noticed how my eyes would dance with the
ghost of too many hours before them -
In place I never knew existed.
With time your words began to mime the
rust of an abandoned junk yard; sharp in all
its splendour to antique collector like myself.
Today we sat like pen and poetry; knowing
eventually the sun would set in our direction too
Was that you? The queen of Hellons and Larrys competition? I am not believeing my eyes, this is just not the usual 'you' but I like it! Maybe because I'm not used to read forms by you or because the poem just looked from another planet, haha. I truly loved this from the very moment, I really can't express my admiration. Acrostics are enjoyable to read but deadly to write, literally, how could you manage to put all those stuff together complying with the form and all just looked perfect in a way I would never have the right words to express. I am in love with the concept, with the title and with you winning the second (or third?) place in the contest. I am just happy to finally find out who is the beast that penned this masterpiece. I was suspecting it might be you or Nana, was hesitating between the two of you and what a beautiful surprise! I love all images you put in here, especially the lazy street and its quiver and the FACT that you are a twin of that universe, that never tedious universe, even the word 'universe' by itself makes one ponder. Your image just makes me think of a calm night, an empty street, maybe rain and stars, no they don't go together, haha. Seriously, the picture you painted in my mind was wonderful. I'd never find such a deep thing in any other poem. I agree that the word 'city' makes me think of traffic jam, of smoke, or cars, of coexistence and of people working, trying so hard. You have such a unique skin, Mel, haha. Maybe you meant by this, that you're changable? confused? afraid? Hmmmm, maybe old? noway, I am genius, old Melli, haha.
I am lost and have no idea how to praise this except for saying that it was an inspiration for me and made me write a poem that I didn't submit because it looked like your poem too much, lmfao. I deleted it anyway, don't worry! ;) But truly this gave me emotions, wow. For all those who might say you are not a genius goddess with words, here is a punch on their noses! Ouch, haha. :P
You've put so much emotion into this piece it's unbelievable. After hearing you read your poetry through the vocaroo thing I seem to see so much beauty in your writing than ever before.
I've read this piece so many times, it's gorgeous. The first stanza makes me think of two lovers strolling through the city with orange street lights glowing down upon them leading them through the darkness, which kind of sets a somber mood with the setting you've painted for us here, though it can be beautiful also. Quiver of a lazy street light gives that sad feeling, perhaps a feeling of loneliness.
I see a mixture of emotions in this piece, sadness and happiness. The hope at the end is beautiful, I loved the whole sun setting in the West, yet you convincing him otherwise. Then at the end of the poem you weave this idea into your words once again, makes for a perfect ending. Also the poetry & pen metaphor is lovely, fits great with your title. Miss your poetry so much, been reading it quite a bit lately. So speechless every time.
Not much left to be said except absolutely awesome..Best I've read in form
7 years ago
So I've tried to come back and comment on this poem and my internet geeked out THREE times now, so I'm going to actually make this one work, dang it! lol
As you know from my discussions with you before, this is incredibly beautiful and touching. What a freakin' poem, Mel! Seriously. For someone who doesn't like to write forms, or think she can do it at all.. I swear I've said this in another comment. You can do it all, woman, and I love/hate you for it (pardon the jealousy, haha!)
This is one of the best acrostics I've ever read - and it was such a long piece! Your words went together just so effortlessly, and how you have created such vivid imagery and personal feeling from something we've never experienced is beyond me. I feel like I am a part of you and your emotions when I read some of your work, this being no exception.
Your line breaks make so much sense - the way you have your "I" separated, sometimes people make that kind of awkward, but you mastered it. It was the perfect single line.
"In the A.M of a month I don't remember" I like how you said A.M instead of morning. It gives the poem a more modern feel, which is fun to bring to formed poetry.
I could keep going on and on, and decipher the poem, but I don't think it's necessary. You know what it did to me. That's sufficient :) Love this!