Ring of Fire

Oh I loved this... very creative to depict a failed relation... I loved the words... Very emotional piece... good display of emotions:)

When I hear Johnny Cash singing of his burning ring of fire,
no longer will I think of true love,
but how it destroyed me and you.

^^
I love how you incorporated this song into your entire poem and particularly how you began with it. It's such a well known song and it really sets the scene somewhat for the piece. I also like how this stanza itself has a story format - beginning, middle and end - and your ending was incredibly powerful and allows for the story and emotion to only build from there.

I tremble as you smoke your fifth cigarette in the past half hour,
grunting with disgust and blowing smoke chains in my face,
oh, how I won't miss that.

^^
I love your imagery here: the trembling, the smoke... WOW! It also brings back to the title of your poem and the song: fire = smoke. Here I don't really understand the 'trembling' part of the poem - to me trembling implies fear or at the very least nervousness. I suppose if it were from fear you could be scared of what to do after you separate, but if it were simply nerves: perhaps you are nervous about what you are about to do next or how bystanders would view this particular scene from afar - he blowing smoke into your face in what I can only see as a rude gesture.

My foot taps with fear and impatience,
a habit I know drives you insane,
would you please just sign already?

^^
Again that sense of fear, but now with additional impatience - it seems you are waiting for something to be done, but are scared what it may entail. I like that middle line - it shows your rebellion, that you want to make this person suffer as he is making, or has made, you suffer. I take it this is a divorce - your fearful he won't sign the papers and impatient for him to get it over with already.

Maybe the mirror you broke the night we married was a warning,
all we've had is shattered hearts,
and seven years of nothing but bad luck.

^^
I like the addition of this particular superstition into your poem. It is a commonly known superstition, so as not to confuse people and truly fits flawlessly into the piece. Especially with the double meaning - shattered glass could equal a shattered heart. Beautiful work.

As you dot your i's and cross your t's,
it's final - our ring of fire is nothing but ashes,
weeping to be whole again.

^^
Again I love the imagery of the 'i's' and 't's' being written and completed on the papers. A nice touch - and yes, it would make it all seem final. I like again that incorporation of the song title - I also feel like the line implies when you married there was a feiry passion that no longer lasts - and with that last line, you realise that it is over. I feel with that last line you are almost sad that it is over, that your anger has dissipated because you realise that what you shared together is forever in the past with the signing of the divorce papers. A really splendid ending.

Beautifully written. 5/5

Hannahhhh I love this piece, wow it is really fantastic!

When I hear Johnny Cash singing of his burning ring of fire,
no longer will I think of true love,
but how it destroyed me and you.

- the imagery of the burning ring of fire catches your attention straight away and draws you into the poem to find out what it is representing! Great opening.

I tremble as you smoke your fifth cigarette in the past half hour,
grunting with disgust and blowing smoke chains in my face,
oh, how I won't miss that.

- what I gather from this is more of the disgust from you at the disrespect of them doing this. The way you have penned this is like you have let the emotions write it instead of the pen and ink. I like how you used this as an example of a bad habit because it is one which many will agree with and relate to.

My foot taps with fear and impatience,
a habit I know drives you insane,
would you please just sign already?

- this part makes me wonder what you are afraid of? Perhaps it is that he wont sign the papers which I assume like everyone else is for the divorce. Or perhaps it has been an abusive relationship, and he will respond to this paper with violence which is making you fearful? Either way I like your wording and also how you add in one habit of yours which you know annoys him.

Maybe the mirror you broke the night we married was a warning,
all we've had is shattered hearts,
and seven years of nothing but bad luck.

- A few things hit me in this short stanza, firstly I like how you use the mirror in the belief many people have that when smashed it creates bad luck, but you do not describe the glass as shattering but hearts. I loved this and it worked very well.
- 2ndly again, I like the 7 years of bad luck line because it is describing something that so many people truly worship and fear as a belief.
The last thing I liked was how you used the word nothing, before " but bad luck " it gives me the sense that you have got to a point where you can't remember anything good at all in the relationship or anything worth holding onto or remembering. This was very powerful.

As you dot your i's and cross your t's,
it's final - our ring of fire is nothing but ashes,
weeping to be whole again.

- absolutely amazing ending, I thought this first line was so unique and reminded me of what you are taught first in primary school when learning to write. I get relieved at this line because he has decided to sign which means freedom for you and time to move on with your life and a new start.
your ending line is interesting because although you have been desperate for these papers to be signed, in your ending it is like you are still holding onto something, somewhere, which gives that bit of sadness and grieving for what you had, for what perhaps deep down you still wish could have been saved, to be whole again.

Loved this so much!! Will add to favourites and read again!

5/5+++

Divore? It can be devastating.
There is an old saying, if you make it through the first seven years, the worst
part is over. Or a broken mirror! I am scared of broken mirrors, I strongly believe
the bring bad fortune. When I am stressed
I do smoke more than normally. He does
it because he knows how you can't stand
the smoke. Your foot taps are getting on
his nerves. When a marriage has reached
its breaking point, it seems like everything
else the other person does is irritating.
I love the last stanza
it is final, our ring of fire is nothing but ashes
I am weeping to be whole again
Awesome write

First thought that came to my mind: divorce?

"When I hear Johnny Cash sing of his burning
ring of fire,
no longer will I think of true love,
but how it destroyed me and you."

sing -- singing ?
The incorporation of the song is creative. And the contradiction was brilliant..
My tutor told me it should be 'you and me' or 'you and I' because it is "rude" if you (the author) came first, lol. But, it is the standard phrase, I think..

"all we've had is shattered hearts,
and seven years of nothing but bad luck."

cliche, but you made it work.

"As you dot your I's and cross your T's,
it's final - our ring of fire is nothing but
ashes,
weeping to be whole again."

The ending is my favorite part. There is a sort of relief shoved in there. But wouldn't it be better if you did not capitalise the i and t? I'm not sure.. It seems better that way, but just my opinion.

A very enjoyable read, Hannah. You have a way of crafting stories. It never gets boring.
Keep it up,