A Letter to Every Blind Heartbreaker

I am not the girl you once knew
Starstruck by pretty faces
Scribbling names inside hearts in my notebooks
Daydreaming about kisses that would never come
Unrequited wishful thinking
I was so entangled in the fantasy
A spider stuck in imagination's web

I am not the girl you once knew
Sitting by the phone
Waiting for your digits to come release me from insanity
Or staring at the computer
Damning Facebook for allowing me to see you having the time of your life with a girl who's not me
Wondering for too long late at night why I didn't even get a text message
Until I finally I fell asleep on a tear-stained pillow

I am not the girl you once knew
Wide eyed innocent, mouth full of metal and frizz haired
So desperate for love
That on a warm, summer night, so ordinary
I gave you the most extraordinary gift a young girl can give
Went home the next morning
Painfully aware of being empty-handed

I am not the girl you once knew
Giving away self-respect in exchange for false promises
Pretending like everything is alright
After the twentieth time you've broken my heart
Sharing my mind, body, and soul when you can't even open your heart
Dropping everything for the chance to make you smile
Then shut the door in my face

NO

I am not that girl you once knew
I grew up
Took the blinds off my eyes
Saw the sun
And it shone so bright
Illuminated all the filth surrounding me
Allowed me to throw it all away
It lit up my inner sanctuary
All the shrines devoted to you disappeared
Along with the darkness
I found something so much greater than you to glorify
A higher power to hold me in sickness and sorrow-
-Not just health and happiness

I am not that girl you once knew
No longer inviting drama or unnecessary scandal
I've seen true pain
Dwelt in dark, murky places
That you could never even imagine
And I realized
That what you put me through
Was nothing
And now I've never been more sure of myself

That I am not the girl you once knew
Naive, sheltered, weak, confused
When your back was turned
In that moment
A warrior was born
A woman began growing
In the blink of an eye
The shackles that bound me to adolescent desperation
Were broken
Eyes sharpened, and with 20/20 I could see
That no longer do I need your self-absorbed "swag" to fulfill me
Nor do I need to hear those
Insipidly sweet nothings come out of your mouth in order to recognize my self-worth
And everything I strive to be
Has nothing to do with you

I am not the girl you once knew
The girl who needed you
But thanks for the memories.