Hummingbird honey

by zombiepikachu   Jan 23, 2013


She looks like hummingbird
wings and amber honey
a bead of perspiration
she looks

with eyes always tired
her fingers always strumming
she looks as deer run

frantically, frightened, a car
she looks with her nostrils
against her wrists wrought with
the aroma sweet vanilla she

looks as fragrance encircles
her pale lips pursed
with a slight
she looks dampened

she looks like
she Looks
she looks like

-z
*note: this is a repetition poem written for my class. It's supposed to be about ourselves... Obviously, my repetition is in "she looks"

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  • 11 years ago

    by Rusheena

    This is really unique; I've never read a poem structured like this. I really like the repetition and similes. One thing I'd suggest punctuating your sentences. Even though your poem is spaced out by stanzas, the sentences still run into each other, without short pauses.Either by punctuation or literally spacing each sentence out will work. Other than that, you did a great job. Keep it up!

    • 11 years ago

      by zombiepikachu

      Thank you! I actually meant not to punctuate. I don't know if you have ever read e.e Cummings but I typically go after his style. The lack of punctuation, I hoped, would create a sort of chaos. It's supposed to describe md, and life is chaotic. The only punctuation I put in we're the commas, so that I could make it suddenly short -- I think it is called staccato.
      I also used e.e Cummings style by paying particular attention to what I have capitalized. I mean for nothing to be capitalized except for the word "Looks" in the last bit (p&q requires the first word to be capitalized :p) but everything I do (aside from accidental grammar mistakes) is typically intentional.
      Thank you, again, though c:

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