Stable, Stability

Fantastic use of the horse and the whip there to start the poem, I could even hear the sound of the whip, and the painful yelp of the horse. Really fast pace to open the poem with and straight away jumped to the point and set the tone of the poem, well done for that.

Your poem holds so much creativity to it, and again it is so unique with the idea of being split into two, and not really knowing who you are anymore, and what is inside of you at the moment in time. You use excellent metaphors in your writing.

I also like the play on words you use for your title, very clever. :)

I think this poem is one of the best I've ever read from you. Basically you're amazing, so yeah. Anyway, this is like something out of a horror movie, and it's eery, and give me goosebumps. I love poems that elicit a physical reaction when you read them. You rock at it. Seriously.

"I woke with a chill in my bones,
with the smoke dissolving
through the cracks in my ceiling."

This is like a terrible nightmare, or jumping out of a daydream. Either way -- just [been sitting here since 2:51, and it's 2:54 trying to come up with a sufficient adjective to describe it]. I mean -- wow. You just have a knack for this kind of poetry.

There's a deep message about something disturbing. Either a terrible memory, mistakes, or someone trying to sabotage that everyone can put their own little story into.

What I say to people who write like this - is that you're not just writing for yourself. You're a mouthpiece for those who can't find the words.

You're fantastic, babe! :))

This was a very interested poem, almost more of a narrative. there is a slight feeling of character growth even, moving from the initial fears and into the final murderous impulses.

i think the ending would be a lot stronger if you left it as a mystery. for isntance move from

"Which have I been lately,
the horse or the blade?

I suppose a little of both."

toward

"Which have I been lately,
the horse or
perhaps

the blade?"

in this way, you invite the reader to look at this piece as themselves, and ask them whether they consider themselves the victim, or the murderer. a mystery like this also invites the reader to really think about it, and how one might be the horse or the blade. just a mild suggestion

again i apologize for always being critical, and if any of my suggestions just seem completely off, or out of the question, feel free to disregard them, im quite biased by my own style of writing. at the same time i dont want to just leave some mildly dishonest drivel about how i personally found it perfect with no faults.

keep writing amazing stuff, youre good at it, dont let my criticisms be dissuasive.

Wow, I liked it, fabulous poem!!! Two thumbs up, you write so beautifully!

Wow, I liked it, fabulous poem!!! Two thumbs up, you write so beautifully!