Postcard

Judging comment:

"I have to admit, when I saw that Mel had a new poem I was incredibly excited to see it, and it didn't fail to disappoint. This is beautiful. Haunting, melancholic, but beautiful. She pulls of this emotion simultaneously as only she can do.

This is one of those poems that even though it is so sad and heart breaking I can't help but keep coming back to it and repeatedly reading it over and over. The whole poem oozes with unadulterated emotion and I can't help but sit back in awe at the entire piece.

"I've been dodging charity on the sidewalk,
too frightened of the confession in my voice. I
wonder if they could tell I haven't eaten lately? and
I'm in debt for an education so it's rare I sleep at night. "

I adore this particular part. To me it seems like broken thoughts, harried and rushed and yet some that just absolutely have to be shared. Because of the fragmented thoughts it adds to the sense of urgency behind the words.

"and realize he was never loved so
he couldn't love us right. "

My other favourite part. Isn't this always the case? If someone isn't taught to love properly and honestly then of course they love others the way they themselves were loved, even if it's in such a negative way. And this is incredibly sad.

The last line, just wow. Such a brutal ending to such a jerking poem and of course one that ties it together perfectly. I shows that all hope is lost, that this city Mel describes (and perhaps the people, too?) are lost within themselves, broken and devoid of hope.

That maybe God has given up because they have given up on themselves and Him also.

I simply love this. So many thought provoking questions came to my mind when I first read this and each time I read it I come to love it more and more.
Beautiful. "

[Judging comment from week of 7/08/13]:

There is such tangible pain expressed in this poem and the very vulnerable opening image of living in poverty and feeling broken just reaches out to me. I love how you described almost feeling betrayed by the city, no longer free but crowded in this apartment and unable to truly have happiness at your fingertips. I envision this woman struggling to regain her strength yet everything in her surrounding weighs her down.....the ending was extremely depressing. These lines hit me emotionally: "I realize my childhood's recollection of intimacy/and realize he was never loved so/he couldn't love us right." I immediately thought of the father. I know fathers are those models for girls and if they don't have that loving relationship and be that support, a girl can be lost when she is growing up.

Also, that last line mentioning God was like a silent plea. So much emotion and hopelessness. Like your cry to God is in vain because you know he wouldn't want to fix a broken soul. But he is everywhere, we don't have to be perfect to have him near and I think that's hard to realize. Such a deep journey through this woman's most inner thoughts.
Incredibly moving! My heart aches reading each stanza.

I love this
I owe you a big comment

the ending was my favorite.

I love your poetry
I love your soul
I love you.

<3
most well deserved win ever.

Congrats on your win Mel!!! In every line you express such a raw tone of sadness and in each description/metaphor you show the reader this hopelessness of this woman, who is in need of love. It's just beautiful and I know I'll keep this in my favorites.

Incredibly well-deserved!

So, I'll be honest. I've been putting off commenting on this poem because I love it so much. Contrary, I know... but I can't decide what to say.

Like I told you before, the way you described vitamin D seriously just tickles my fancy, lol. I LOVE that and thought it was really interesting. You take daily objects and turn them into such creative little masterpieces (the artist in you of course), but also can mask it in a way that people probably wouldn't know, unless they know you and whats going on in your world, lol.

I'm really intrigued by the first part of your poem, and am a little flustered I can't figure it out. To me it's definitely vampire-like... but the spine is the sharp edge and not the crucifix. I noticed that immediately, so I'm really interested in it.

"I can't find my ancestors in my skin tone anymore, so
I swallow these tiny suns hoping my fingers won't ache
at night. "

THIS. The lack of vitamin D, no sunshine for your skin so you're missing that olive tone of your family. I really like the way you wrote this. They're still there, but you aren't physically connected by looks. You're someone else today.

I really love how you portray the city... that it's broken and we need help.. the end where it says it's fallen and God isn't here anymore, it's like you're saying we NEED Him here, which obviously we do. I also really like how you go to childhood. Sometimes when people are down and need to escape they think about a happy past.. but here you have sad memories as well.. so you reflect. You learn, which is a part of becoming and adult and able to forgive people, even though it's hard. It's not making excuses but understanding the situation in a different light. People love you the way they know how, and if they weren't taught to love in a good, healthy and respectful way, how will they ever know? It's a nature versus nurture thing, which I think really is what you're entire poem feels about. The city is nature (not spring-time frolic-y nature, but environment) and that's proof that there is a broken, fallen world out there. But you received nurturing from your mother so you didn't learn to love the way he did.

This is really just so beautiful. I can't help but read this poem over and over and over again. Going into my favorites.

Oh, and the title. I really like that, how you're sending someone a postcard of the city - the pain, the picture of brokenness. Beautiful (even though it's incredibly depressing, haha!).