First of all, thank you for participating in last week's writing prompt! As promised, here is your comment. :)
Tragedy comes in many different forms and to me, this type of tragedy is among the worst. Losing a baby, whether it was through a miscarriage, stillborn or some other complication during birth, is absolutely heartbreaking. I'll admit, it's always a fear of mine... my mother had around 5 miscarriages and a stillborn, so I suppose I'm afraid that whenever I do decide I'm ready to have children, I will follow down that path of heartache as well. Anyway...
When this type of tragedy occurs, peoples first reaction is to apologize. Most of the time, people just don't know what else to say but "I'm sorry". They know there is nothing they can say to make you truly feel any better but they feel like they should say something as to not be disrespectful or rude to your feelings. I can visualize people stopping by, calling/texting, FB messages, etc...just all of them apologizing for your loss. As you said, they have good intentions but at this time, you just don't want to hear any of it. You want to be left alone so that you can mourn in peace.
I love the idea of your hospital gown being your wedding dress, signifying that you are marrying the lifestyle of being a new mother. It showcases that you were truly prepared and excited to be a mom and now, all of those dreams are shattered. You carried your baby for nine months, feeling the butterflies for the first time, feeling the little kicks and hiccups occasionally. Each day you grew more excited and when the day came, it did change your life, just in a different way than expected. You expected to be carrying a bundle of joy and now your empty arms are always going to be a reminder of what could have been.
The ending sums it all up with so little words. It kind of has a bitter tone to it as well. Like your life just fell apart and all they can say is "I'm sorry". Very sad!
Usually I don't like poems that don't have much punctuation but since this poem is short, it works. I would suggest not capitalizing the first word on each line, though. Overall, great job with the prompt!
Oh wow! There is so much power for this poem, considering there is hardly any words!
I assume this is about the loss of a child, probably still born. The fact you mention the 9 months later, is devastating, because normally after 9 months, it is a good result, it is what you have been waiting for, what you dream of.
It is so sad, and your layout has broken it up nicely too, into sections of what happened. Of how life seemed to be going on direction, but then suddenly, it feels like everything you were about to have, gets destroyed and taken away from you.
I think what stood out for me in this poem, was that you leave it ending abruptly, as in, these people are telling you they are sorry, like that will make you feel better. But... You do not mention how you feel or how you respond. I like this because I think we can all imagine how you would feel, and how you would blankly ignore the apologies, or fly off the handle at their sympathy.
Such a touching little poem. Glad to see you writing again.
First of all wow!
All I could say is as I guy I wouldn't know what its like to lose a baby but it would definitely be traumatic!
"I'm sorry" was all they could say
Regardless of their good intentions,
And regardless of how hard they tried
The words im sorry - are such a powerful introduction, it grips the reader in as it allows the reader to ask questions such as who is sorry and why are they sorry and in this case want to read more to answer these questions. You build on this further by saying that no matter how sorry they seem it will never satisfy your insatiable hate for them... but why?
I hated them
Such a powerful statement and connotation! I like how you let it stand on its own. It is such an effective way to get your point across!
My hospital gown was supposed to be my wedding dress
As I got married to my new life
Wow such a scene you have painted here, such devastation and sadness covers your words as you link a wonderful element of life to the horrific - such a strong link of burdens
But 9 months after I embarked on this journey
My arms are empty, like my womb
so so deep! I have to say that the last line stood out to me the most - My arms are empty, like my womb - what a comparison! This brought on such raw emotion of loss, truly an inner tragedy for those involved one that most people overlook
And all they could say is "I'm sorry"
Such a powerful finish to such a heart breaking piece! I love how you referred back to the beginning of the poem with the beginning and lasting words of "im sorry"
At times it seems like the word sorry isnt meaningful enough as it is overused or unwisely used and at times of trauma those words can never even begin to heal such a torn heart.
You have definitely captured such trauma in this piece depicting it well with your word choice!