The winds that shook my shoulders.

Machinery, is that all I am?
The sun had been abducted too soon,
a quarter before eight o'clock and
I submitted to the dark sky where I
could stealthily hide my ugly deeds
under asthmatic trees and dusty bleachers.

I wanted you to protect me,
but I know realistically, you can't.
Only I can choose to not harm
myself and those around me.

You called me back last night,
and I picked up the phone though
shame stung my sides and all I
yearned for was condemnation.

I denied my feelings, saying it
doesn't matter, forget about it,
but you questioned, are you sure?
And my quiet breaths answered.

17 days, that number mocked me
as I traded everything I worked for,
all the temptations God helped me push
away, I traded that for temporary relief.

I admitted how weak I felt, but you
refused that interpretation, claiming
how strong I had been for those weeks.

"There is always time for spring, for
a new beginning. You are only human."

And I whispered to you how I can't easily
recover from my failures, how hard it
is to motivate myself and retrain my mind
to forgive and overcome.

"Remember dear,
Rome was not built in a day".

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Written 10/14/14 @ 10:58 AM