An angel

by The Poet Behind The Poems   Jun 25, 2015


I stare
Gazing towards the darkness of the night,
waiting for the sunrise to banish you from my eyes.

Gods children dance among the treasures of the sky,
finally I see her, dressed in elegance, draped in crystals,
Such beauty - no words could ever describe.

I know I was blessed, to share them precious years,
I can still hear your laugh, while memory's of your smile
Is like a vacuum to my heart, inflicting unimaginable pain.

I stare
Gazing towards the birth of light, waiting
for Gods curtain to reveal you once again,
until then I say goodbye.

Others call you an angel
But I, Will always call you mother.

5


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Latest Comments

  • 6 years ago

    by Em

    This is another amazing write, definitely a worthy win.

  • 7 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    Dude this is freaking awesome, very atmospheric and the imagery is marvellous, as usual a great write from you!

    Ben

  • 8 years ago

    by PorcelainMoon

    I'm not going to write a comment pointing out all of the grammatical errors, I think it's unimportant and down to interpretation to some extent. I like way you used your punctuation to adapt the way the poem is read.

  • 8 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hi,

    I like this poem, although it will improve if you take Baby Rainbows useful advice.

    Question: Is this about the moon, Mother Moon, perhaps?

    Good work and well laid out.

    Take Care,

    Michael

  • 8 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    I stare
    Gazing towards the darkness of the night,
    waiting for the sunrise to banish you from my eyes.

    - you need a comma after the word stare in the first line, and you do not need a capital for Gazing on the next line, it is off putting. But powerful opening stanza.

    Gods children dance among the treasures of the sky,
    finally I see her, dressed in elegance, draped in crystals,
    Such beauty - no words could ever describe.

    - God's children - to show belonging. And you do not need capital for Such.

    I know I was blessed, to share them precious years,

    - you do not need the comma after blessed in this line, and "them" should be "those"

    I can still hear your laugh, while memory's of your smile
    Is like a vacuum to my heart, inflicting unimaginable pain.

    - you also don't need to comma after laugh since you are continuing your sentence through, and "memory's" should be "memories"
    - I would also take away the new line for "is" and having it flowing on from the last, but the word itself is wrong for the grammar and should be "are" because there is more than one memory.

    I stare
    Gazing towards the birth of light, waiting
    for Gods curtain to reveal you once again,
    until then I say goodbye.

    - same as above for comma after stare, and no capital for gazing. God's curtain.

    Others call you an angel
    But I, Will always call you mother.

    - no capital for But, or Will, however you could get away with putting a capital for Mother, since you are referring to it as a name.
    - I would also remove the comma after I because it is not needed and has no affect for me when you use it.

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