Damages

I thought about you again,

Even if I swore,

I wouldn't anymore.

Lies, lies, so many lies,

Left lips

But.. You're wrong.

I've been truthful all along,

They were yours.

I protected you,

But!

But...

No more.

I'll no longer be your slave,

Your ideal as you take, take, take,

Leaving nothing of me,

And beating the scraps into submission.

The biggest lie,

Who you were,

For that vanished all too quickly,

Once it won the prize.

Me. I was your prize.

The trophy you polished in public,

Thrown to the side once it served its purpose.

But your trophy fought back. It was braver than anyone you knew.

Enduring your hits out of love, it had danced this dance before.

You knew.

Knew how much it hurt. I may have resisted, but I flinched, cowered from you.

And there was no mistaking the tang of salt that soaked our sheets from when I cried alone. Alone was safe, where I could calm myself. But you didn't like me to be alone. Because I'd realize your truths.

So.. So many truths.

I visited a place we visited often today. Not anywhere romantic. The hospital, in fact, where that picture perfect you accompanied me.
And.
Knew.Of my disease and what it does, and what you shouldn't do.
But you did.

I got ice-cream at our place. Sea salt. The last place we had a date.
Creamy.
Sweet.
A salted tang, like that of immature tears not yet formed.
Tears that no longer fall /for/ you. Tears that still form /from/ you. What you did. What you still do, abusing me thinking you're safe behind your veil of lies.
But my truth will break your shield.
Because the truth is titanium and lies are gold.
They look pretty, but hold no weight.

Purple blotches of paint, a golden surrounding.
But these markings were never beautiful,
Only painful reminders that your love would come with a cost.
Your arms were so strong as they held me, digits relentless as they abducted my air at arm's length.
Pleas were only sugar for your diabetic heart, and although they were temptations, they were only that.
At least for you.
My sorriest and cries were cocaine.
In which, you snorted, greedy for more.
I could never supported your habit.
Your addiction.
Forcing the life from weakened flesh and bone,
Until a ghost remained, with hollow intentions and a beating heart.

As I sat, listening to the helicopter, then quickly covering my ears, I realized the noise you left echoing polluted my mind, reverberating around stone walls, my nails red from the clawing of attempted escape.
From.
My head.
My life.
And most importantly you.

When love is not enough and I gave all I could,
You kept taking, like a greedy pup to teat.
Drinking my warmth, draining me of my all,
Then, like a beaten, starved b**ch,
Those healthy welps were taken, and the nourisher was of no use.

I'm fairly damaged, and sweetheart, I still beat for you.
But the sound of love is a beat, not to be beaten until it is all I hear in fright.
I don't truly miss you, for I meet you regularly in my nightmares.
But freedom? Freedom is sweeter than the blood you forced me to savor.
The watermarks of filth you ensured me to have, when I begged you not to,
The way you loved was not how you show love, therefore you never loved me.
And I will never erase you, like you did with me.
Instead I will just...
Repair your damages.
So, so many damages.
But damages can be repaired.
Unfortunately, you never will fix the most important thing.
Yourself.