Sour Sun, Bitter Tea

by Rania Moallem   Jul 16, 2019

I'm choking on dust;
the fine particles
evaporating from my skin.

I've been in this place for
a while now.

I broke bread as time broke me.
Stared for so long
at the ceiling
now I know every crack.
They flirt with the scars
glowing at the edges
of my back.

They hide the scent
of the sour sun & bitter tea.

The fractures inside me
have buried all the sugar
& the yellow rays have been
stuck below my bed for years.

The poor sun, all rotten;
it's dead.

Now the naked trees tirelessly
fight to grow beneath my spine.
They strangle me so tight,
and I water them.
I keep them warm with tears.

but I'm smothered with dusty roots.
I'm gasping in this dimness
and I've poked my eyes
with the broken bulb.

I'm choking on pain,
the fine feelings rising from within.
and I've been in this place
for a while now.

on my own

I spilled tea
tons of tea

I broke bread
I broke a lot of bread



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Latest Comments

  • 10 months ago

    by Tanya Southey

    Wonderful win. Well done.

  • 10 months ago

    by Meena Krish

    I can't expand much more then what MA has analysed..nonetheless this is a personal write which hits at different levels of the writer's

    Congrats on the win!

  • 10 months ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I have a great deal of rambling thoughts on this.... I hope you don't mind me sharing.

    There was SO much depth in this piece and I'm still thinking about these lines "the yellow rays have been stuck below my bed for years." Then, you declaring the sun is dead made me think of having this energy, this light guiding you and suddenly, it isn't cared for and isn't providing... it's not filling in the cracks and the crevices and it losing belief in itself. It fades away. The word choice of "rotten" was jolting as usually I think of food or living things as having the ability to rot. In a way, this sunshine was your lifeline, at least that's what I thought of. But sunlight can also expose the dust and parts that may usually be hidden away.

    The next stanzas unsettled me in the way that it's like your body is fighting this growth, these "naked trees", either some other spirit is trying to overshadow yours or you are realizing and trying to understand extensions of yourself. Branches striving to represent all parts of you. And yet, they are suffocating you. Smothering you. There isn't enough room.

    I felt claustrophobia reading this piece and also a theme of self-destruction. Choking on pain, on your own feelings perhaps? The dust, the corners of your soul that aren't tended to, it all affects you. And random, but I also loved the (accidental?) rhyme of "crack" and "back" in the third stanza. That was satisfying for some reason.

    Connecting with the title, with the sun going sour (again, like perishable items that can upset you internally if they are past the expiration date) and the bitterness of what you're drinking in, what you're tasting... that all added to the almost uncomfortable lines, of something that isn't pleasant and isn't fresh. Almost a sadness and a decay.

    Ahh thank goodness for Jamie nominating this! I just want to come back to this and lose myself in the stanzas again. Some of them even feel like a break from reality with your metaphors and how I'm reading into the lines. It also felt like I, as the reader, am not supposed to decipher each line. Some of it is too personal or kept secret for you and you alone.

    • 10 months ago

      by Rania Moallem

      Thank you MA, your comments are always on a different level. I understand why some of my lines seem too personal, I usually write on sudden and unexpected circumstances. I pour my mind inevitably, your words made smile because I too break from reality while typing down my feelings. It's a pleasure that you went on the journey, even if it was at times unpleasant. <3 All my love <3

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