Dismal

by Sunshine   May 29, 2020


Empty are the roads on the map
all the walks have been made in vain.
Pellets of blacks
pellets of whites,
one could barely breathe
through so much layers.
And the stars that burn above
over heavy and tired eyes
they all still die lonely
in the vast rich void.
Empty like the vows I make
fragile, like my will to survive.
In crowds I've marched loud wars
but I no longer create noise
I no longer make any walks.
I used to breathe slower before,
a little deeper, a little more.
It was never so short and so poor.
I once slept better, perhaps not always
but sometimes I escaped insomnia,
slipping into long hours of profound nights,
sinking into the folds and depths of my mind
Once or twice, I did dream a little more.

    report violation
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  • 3 years ago

    by Violet Raven

    The first thing i noticed about this while reading is the subtle rhyming throughout. It absolutely worked wonders as it didn't take away any of the meaning and flow of the poem itself.

    Again i love how this poem could have 2 or more meanings to a different person each time they read it. The story itself has sadness throughout and as i always say it doesn't stray from the meaning.

    I truly love how you made the first few lines visually appealing to the reading because we are right there walking with you. I read it as seeing a war (physically like torn walls, bombs etc) in black and white and you see the destruction all around you. But as you read on

    You realize there is a hidden meaning and that is the war is inside of the author. You cannot escape the depths of your mind and soul. It tortures you so much that you lose sleep over it.

    The ending is a bit hopeful because you were once happy and perhaps you have hope to feel that way again.

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