The Vortex of You.

Who cares if I sneak
too many glances?

Who's here to steady
me when the shot glasses
grow in size?

But what once made me
dreamy, starry-eyed,
galaxies between
my thighs,
is now a throbbing
disco ball

and I can't seem to
dispel the reflections.

The vodka's too loud.
Its pulse drowns out
my sense of clarity.

What is real anymore?

Memories shatter me,
wish bones and all the
things I was too shy
to share with you.

I'm in the heat of summer
again, in the midst
of your electronic waves
and carmine smile.

You watch me on
the steps of that dingy
gas station.

"I've never seen you
smoke before"

and I tease you

as we share a sip
from the 32 oz
styrofoam Cherry Pepsi

and the nicotine runs
through my veins like
your incendiary lips.

I never told you that
my mind was already
close to combustion.

And while I'd like to think
I'd remember you in the
most sincere ways,
fantasies and half-moons
mixed in with truths,

aren't you dead
anyway?

______________________________________

Freewrite while listening to "Got Well Soon" by Breton:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IIERc-XOqw