Two Brothers

by Robert   Sep 1, 2004


Two Brothers

One born with high ideals and a sense of right,
the other pushing through life with shear might.
On obeying every rule to no end,
the other find surviving no friend.
One taking all that school has to offer a gift,
the other seeing the dark side is where he will find his lift.
Both work at there tasks with feverish delight,
yet as fate would have it they have set there sight.
As the years turn and fold,
they find something to hold.
Their work is what they are married too,
but as they come together they wonder what is true.
Older but now on the opposite sides of the law,
they find a no comfort in this flaw.
Now they stand head to head, toe to toe,
but neither one no where to go.
They hold the triggers, of there gun,
Knowing that in this out come there can only be one.
They search in each others eyes,
and wonder what decision is the wise.
With a smile the one that hold up the law pauses with a smile,
and just at that moment fires a round to let his weapon rile.
Bullets fly in the air in full force,
realizing the horror of his course.
He watches as his brother falls to the floor,
then with tears he tuck the barrel under his chin soon to be no more.

Written By
Robert Lee Niswander
Copyright 2004

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by Michelle18

    This is a good poem..although in some places your flow was a bit off and some lines were too long... but i liked the concept.

    "On obeying every rule to no end,"

    ^^in this line you might want to change the word "on" to "one"

    but other than that it was pretty good 5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by Choose xX Alex Xx Life

    An exellent poem , I personally couldn't find any flaws , great imagary xxx alex xxx

  • 18 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    The only thing that let's this poem down is the spelling.

    I noticed a lot of errors in this poem, and I notice Pete has pointed them out above. I agree, it takes the edge of what is actually a very good piece.

    I absolutely loved the ending in this, I certainly didn't see that coming, and I thought the whole idea of this was both original and unique in concept.

  • 18 years ago

    by JustKristina

    This one didn't keep my attention, and i had to re-read it a couple of times to get all the way through it. I liked the concept though. but the rhyming seemed forced. Not all poems have to rhyme.. maybe try something like that because you have beautiful and wonderful ideas filled with emotion and feeling. i think with a little work on these poems, you could be great! :o]

  • 18 years ago

    by Pete

    Simply wonderful story!
    If this has happened in your life to someone / anyone that you know - you have my condolences. If not, you have a wonderful imagination. The story portrayed is second to none.

    You let yourself down drastically in this piece, way too many spelling mistakes. It seriously takes the edge off a very, very good poem.

    "Both work at there (their) tasks with feverish delight," Same mistake 1 line down.
    "Their work is what they are married too (to),"
    "but neither one no where (nowhere, or know where) to go."
    "They hold the triggers, of there (their) gun,"
    "Knowing that in this out come (outcome) there..."
    There are a few more, but you get the jist.

    It definitely spoiled this wonderful poem for me. I would ask that you PM me when you have re-worked this piece and I will leave a completely different comment.

    ~Pete.

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