The Thought of Revenge

I think this poem would be better off in the dark sections category. Just a thought. But, I thought it was excellent. I think the way it's a little bit confusing kind of sets the mood. The narrator is confused, and therefore, the reader should be as well. Nicely done.

Really dark...lol...That's sort of a "duh" kinda thing to say...

Anyway, you wrote this poem well.

I like this redone, very much...It adds a whole new level of quality to it. The content and rhyme is solid and flows well, and the expression in a few of the later lines is very well done.

I think you need to be more descriptive and elaborate on what you have because you've told us the outline but you also need to paint the picture, when you use short sentences and/or phrases it gets confusing....make your sentences longer even if it doesn't rythme it'll be better for your readers.... oh and 1 last thing don't try and rythme all the time because it just seemed forced... It was good and it has potential just spend a little time on it...kEeP iT uP:)

Again you scratched the surface of what happend but really didn't go to the core of emotion good attempot though. Take care...