A Better Tomorrow?

I sit alone crying in the darkness settling around me
Trying to mend my black broken heart on my own
Crumbled within the walls, the pieces lay shattered
The screams echo in the silenced hollow
My tears are muffled into my pillow
And all that I ask for is a ring of the telephone
Just to hear your voice, just to hear you say you're coming home.
But you can't even do that, you say you need time to think
You've had well over a month now and I'm getting lost in your lies,
I'm trapped in your pathetic excuses for a better tomorrow
But all through these, all that I can think of are the better yesterdays
The days when I skinned my knee and you'd bandage it up
Wiping the tears away from my dust covered cheeks
The days where you'd sing me to sleep when I was upset
Rock-a-bye-baby was my favorite song out of all the others
Laying in your arms falling asleep at your sweet words
I was your little Princess, you said I'd grow up to marry a prince
You tried your danged hardest to give me the fairy tale life you thought I deserved too
And now, are you really willing to throw all of that away?
Throw away your marriage of twenty years, and your three children?
In all this time you've taken off to think,
Have you ever given a thought to anyone but yourself?
You say you want to think about your future, you want more out of life
But you have just ruined mine with the thoughts running through your head
The fact that you'd think of leaving us behind as a mere memory swirling in the dust
Just for a couple more years before you retire to become the nothing you're bound to
I just don't understand, I am completely and utterly lost within these expectations
You expect me to give everything my all, but you're just a f u c k i n g hypocrite
And tonight I will ease away my pain, lost within my razor blade
The blood will drip down from my weakened wrist in the still of the night
Encrust on the floor beneath my trembling knees
Legs just begging to run away from it all, but running is what you're doing
And to do what you're doing would be a mistake on my part
But here I sit, rocking back and forth in my bed
Tensor bandage wrapped around my throbbing wrist
Humming the words to rock-a-bye-baby
And tonight, I think I'll cry myself to sleep
With a bottle of vodka clutched close to my heart.

© Jenna Elphick
March 31, 2006