You left me a letter so I'm going to reply,
firstly by saying you didn't have to die.
I know it sounds selfish,
and perhaps I'm being cruel,
but you promised never to leave me,
then left me like a fool!
You kept saying sorry, over and over again,
you said you didn't plan it,
but all you felt in life was pain.
How can you expect me to forgive you?
We came so far after everything we went through,
until you broke this promise; it became a lie,
and you left me here without saying goodbye.
I hope you know I hate you for leaving,
and for making this pact which you had me believing.
How on earth could we be best friends
when your suicide means our friendship ends!
I can't believe I trusted you
and that I thought the world of you,
but it was never going to last,
and I question how long you knew!
As we knew each other for longer and longer,
our friendship grew stronger and stronger,
then all of a sudden, your body on the ground,
as I approached you, there was no sound!
I now doubt that you ever understood me,
and it's not like you're here to disagree!
All I ever wanted was your friendship and trust,
but all of a sudden it crumbled to dust.
You left me with nothing, hurting alone,
and as my heart broke, it turned to stone!
My love for you had disappeared
as you had done what I had feared.
Each night I walked to visit your grave,
weeping because your voice I crave.
You make me so angry, so hurt inside,
now I contemplate suicide!
I want to fly into the midnight sky,
seeing you reach for me as you hear me cry.
I will not laugh, I will not smile.
I'll simply quiz you for a while,
asking why you killed yourself;
left me perched upon the forgotten shelf.
I've always missed you, and I do still.
I never have forgiven you, and never will.
I cut myself deep, night after night.
wishing I could quickly fade out of sight.
I tried to end it all today,
nothing in my head would go away.
Take a look at my arm, read what it says,
it shouts your name in so many ways.
I've scratched it, cut it, burnt it too,
all because I thought of you!
You make me sick, you make me scream,
I stay up all night for I'm scared to dream.
Somehow I hope that this you can read.
as I slit my wrists and make them bleed.
I know we'll meet again one day,
and I will have lots more to say.
But until then, I'll say goodbye,
think of your name, sit here and cry.
Just don't think that your my friend,
or that this hatred will ever end.
Every promise you made,
lie you told,
all the words you said,
and all the times you betrayed me,
left me thinking just one thing...
...I think I'm glad my best friend is dead!!!
Linzi <3 - Gone on 28/8/04 - age 13
The bravest angel I know.
I wrote this poem 7 years ago, after losing my best friend to suicide. I was angry and confused at the time, so the poem is filled with that anger and pain. For some reason I really struggled to come back and edit the poem, it never felt right to do, but finally, I have corrected all the mistakes and edited the poem slightly.
Raw and full of anger and heartbreak this poem hits hard with its honesty. It is so obviously written from the heart and as such has a huge emotional impact. It cant have been an easy time for you and it is not suprising that must have been so difficult to revisit but having done so all I can do is hope that it has helped you towards coming to terms with her loss.