Goodbye

by Marc Ortiz   Apr 15, 2007


In a cold, raw afternoon at the park
The sun starts to sink in the horizon
Sitting silently beside the old tree
Wondering why she left me all alone

A frosty wind blows from the zero north
My frail body trampled to the arctic ground
Its killing me not to be with her
Longing for her smile in my frigid life

Here is a picture of the two of us
We looked so happy in those memories
I remember her smile as if it was yesterday
She committed a crime. Stole my heart away

She's my happily married wife in my dreams
An angel in the morning, evening
She brightens up my foul days with one smile
She took away all the pain with one touch

Now here I am staring at my right hand
Holding a gun and a farewell letter
I looked back to those happy times
Pointing the gun right beside my head. Bang

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Molly Elizabeth

    This poem is so sad and beautiful.

    I LOVE this line:

    She committed a crime. Stole my heart away

    Very nice poem!! Great work :-)

  • 16 years ago

    by WiNgS Of StEeL

    Luvd it just luvd it..i liked the evocative words that u used, it creates images within my head:D
    keep up hte good work
    bree x

  • 16 years ago

    by Startle Me

    In a cold, raw afternoon at the park
    Raw?
    That doesn't really make sense.
    It just seems as though you're just putting in discriptive words to make it seem... well, discriptive.

    She committed a crime. Stole my heart away
    First off, stole my heart away is not a complete sentence.
    Second off, it seems just pretty cliched to me.

    Your ending...
    Hmm,
    I don't want to say anything.
    Just know that I didn't really appreciate the suicide all that much.

    It was okay.
    But cliched.
    It's not love when you kill yourself for the person you think you love.
    It's just an obsession.
    You believe that you can't do without that person
    All in all, I'm going to give it a 4 for unorginality.
    I SHOULD give you a 3.
    But I'm not that big of a witch.

  • 16 years ago

    by Nicole

    AWW. well good job bro. Love it! ;)

  • 16 years ago

    by bleeding limegrenn

    Wow great poem keep up the good work

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