In Need Of Help

by Kirsty palmer   Aug 8, 2007


Attack the darkness that surrounds me
Fight all that may harm what I see
Wait for the lurking evilness shown
Hide from the anger that has grown
Flee for the open door in the light
Keep believing in what is right

Now look over your shoulder
Keep me warm when it gets colder
Take away all that harms
Hold me tight in your arms
Lock the door and seize my hope
Make it easier for me to cope

Relish the smiles that you find
Demolish all hate of any kind
Wisk me away to the world you live in
A place that doesn't have as much sin
Somewhere I can find my smile
A place to let me feel free and agile

I need your help to beat this hate
To leave behind this horrific state
I cant live without you anymore
I want us to be together like before
But if I can not have it that way
Then at least can your help still stay

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Michelle18

    Nice poem...the rhyming was good ..although in places it seemed forced...

    "I cant live without you no more"

    ^^and i think you should change "no more" to "anymore" in this line.it would flow alot better...it kinda threw the flow completely off at the end...

    but overall this poem is pretty good..i give you a 4/5 on this one.

  • 16 years ago

    by Leah20

    Decent job. Your rhyming was good except for a few occasions in which I think you threw out grammar to fit the rhyme, which can be alright if it makes sense. You've got a good start.

  • 16 years ago

    by JaMeS

    That was amazing i really enjoyed reading that you had me hooked!! very nice work!

  • 16 years ago

    by Alissa

    This was a good poem, it was very emotional yet the flow was a bit off. You did great though, I suppose you could try to use more descriptive words, for I got lost in about the middle of it. But then your talent lead me back, so it was good in all. Great job!

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