Such a beautiful poem, it gave me a very visual idea as the words flowed. It also felt very, very deep. I definitely enjoyed it.
5 years ago
Comments from judging:
Using the quote as her inspiration or challenge was a great idea. Here she wrote of innocence gone awry, from not only the emotional aspect but the physical as well. She pieced together everything that really made you feel as a reader that you are a part of this story. Everything is so descriptive and gorgeous, I can't go into detail much more than this.
What Mel said, really. :) This is beautiful Bliss! I love the way you broke up the stanzas, causing the reader to pause, putting emphasis where emphasis was needed. After reading the piece and then seeing the challenge, your interpretation is wonderful! There's a lot of room to dive and dissect in here, without the actual read being too 'heady.' I'm especially fond of the line "I stumbled at the mercy of your touch" .. lovely work! x
I prefer this poem a lot more than the other one I read because it's got a lot more to it in my opinion. You used all the foundations of poetry to build a poem and the emotion was evident.
In the first stanza I was instantly drawn in by "I stumbled at the mercy of your touch", something beautifully mysterious here.
" as you smudged lust
across my lips"
^interesting, it's almost as though your lipstick of lip balm became symbolic of lust, as red is usually symbolic of such for some reason this was the image that came to my mind.
I like the breaks in structure, it built the tone and created some really lovely pauses that let your words sink into the reader.
I noticed music is a reoccurring thing in your latest works. It's really nice to see. Especially some of the traditional terms like 'waltz' it makes for a more purer essence (of course that was before the loss of innocence).