Cockled.

by Blissful   May 4, 2012


I used to be masked with innocence
but I stumbled at the mercy
of your touch

as you smudged lust
across my lips

I faltered

for my voice no longer carries
the tune of romance
as it waltzes with passion
and gets lost among
guilt

as your eyes laugh
at my demise
I writher at your feet
longing for the warmth
I called my friend
which has now
abandoned me

I used to pride myself
in chastity
but now linger
in its echo

--

M&M challenge: Write a poem drawing inspiration from the quote, "I used to be Snow White, but I drifted."

1


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Latest Comments

  • 5 years ago

    by Formidable Muse

    Such a beautiful poem, it gave me a very visual idea as the words flowed. It also felt very, very deep. I definitely enjoyed it.

  • 5 years ago

    by Britt

    Comments from judging:

    Using the quote as her inspiration or challenge was a great idea. Here she wrote of innocence gone awry, from not only the emotional aspect but the physical as well. She pieced together everything that really made you feel as a reader that you are a part of this story. Everything is so descriptive and gorgeous, I can't go into detail much more than this.

  • 5 years ago

    by mnemosyne

    What Mel said, really. :) This is beautiful Bliss! I love the way you broke up the stanzas, causing the reader to pause, putting emphasis where emphasis was needed. After reading the piece and then seeing the challenge, your interpretation is wonderful! There's a lot of room to dive and dissect in here, without the actual read being too 'heady.' I'm especially fond of the line "I stumbled at the mercy of your touch" .. lovely work! x

  • 5 years ago

    by Melpomene

    Bliss,*

    I prefer this poem a lot more than the other one I read because it's got a lot more to it in my opinion. You used all the foundations of poetry to build a poem and the emotion was evident.
    In the first stanza I was instantly drawn in by "I stumbled at the mercy of your touch", something beautifully mysterious here.

    " as you smudged lust
    across my lips"

    ^interesting, it's almost as though your lipstick of lip balm became symbolic of lust, as red is usually symbolic of such for some reason this was the image that came to my mind.

    I like the breaks in structure, it built the tone and created some really lovely pauses that let your words sink into the reader.

    I noticed music is a reoccurring thing in your latest works. It's really nice to see. Especially some of the traditional terms like 'waltz' it makes for a more purer essence (of course that was before the loss of innocence).

    -Mel

  • 5 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    Took my breath away... love each line. 5/5

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