The teacher asks Timmy "why is your cat at school today?" Timmy says, crying, "Because I heard my daddy say to my mommy, 'I'm going to eat that pussy when the kids leave.' so I'm saving him!"

Tech support: "We aren't satisfied until You aren't satisfied!"

Throwing fertilizer at people who need to grow up.

If Mother Nature was to stab everyone who abused her then we would all be dead.

Phone sex; I'll bet it wasn't what that telemarketer was expecting.

Next time ur depressed just remember U WERE THE FASTEST SPERM CELL!!! ;D

Sometimes Words Are Not Enough.. :(
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A Punch Is Necessary..:P :D

If life is like a box of chocolates
Mine must have been left out in the sun

m. ernst 2012

Me: Hey, God, what's a million years to you?
God: A minute.
Me: what's a million dollars to you?
God: A penny.
Me: Can I have a penny?
God: In a minute.

When you support and lift others upon your shoulders, sometimes you get to see their underwear