I've mastered the art of not giving a fcuk while simultaneously caring way too much

Just before the breath of life left him and all the world mourned, the Shepherd looked upon his flock from his elevated place and whispered, "I'll be back."

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
-Grancho Marx

-True trollers should know how to do the troll face

I'm self- centered, but don't like an audience.

There goes my changes of being a centerpiece.

I'm spewing my raw guts with these quotes, don't say ewww, but stand back.

"He has a sense of humor ....
but it's only a sense"

A good poem writer always knows when its best to climax

If you leave your children behind, pay your child support on time.

That awkward moment when a rapist picks up a hitch hiking serial killer.

Killer: Turn down that dark road.
Rapist: I was planning on it.