I know I am an acquired taste. If you don't like me, you need to acquire some taste. Or go fcuk yourself. Whichever.

If I cannot say it tongue in cheek
I have the wrong audience.

Lighten up on the cologne bro. You want the girls to barely get a hint then ask to lean in. Not smell you from the parking lot.

Roses are red
windows are glass
maybe you should try plan D for dumbass

Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their Gods lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.

I have Skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?

Bipolar patients with grandiose delusions are essentially high on themselves.

Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.

Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.

I think pet shops should give a free laser pointer with every cat purchase.