"I just don't want to belong to a club that would...uh...uh have someone like me in it."

- Alfie Singer (Woodie Allen)

An 88 year old virgin goes to the doctor and tells him she has crabs! he said no these arent crabs, they're fruit flies... your cherry has rotten!

C: i didnt kno that
B: yea havent u eva heard the saying everything is bigger in texas?
ME: oh i guess ur not from texas baby
MY BF: *sighs and nods* i kno

tru convo

** srry baby i love u!!!!!!!!

How much imagination do I have?

Well, imagine a 27-foot Blaziken-Lucario black dragon monkey gryphon slicing the moon slowly 5.62 ways with a slice of its rubbery evil baby dove wings...

...while standing on dirt 5,119 feet underground.

IRacecar boob rats live on no evil star boob racecar!

I LUV PALINDROMES!

I'm a nobody,
Nobody's perfect,
....Therefore I'm perfect!

(I heard this and I loved it)

I have issues :D

Im not retarded i just enjoy to lick windows

Isn't it funny how they can take a song about a long distance relationship and turn it into a Tupperware commercial?

Im so GANGSTER my grills are made out of candy wrapers i found in my pocket!