95 percent of the time I'm nice, but five percent of the time - i make the devil look like God!
- - my science teacher said this to me!

When life gives you lemons, you cram them up the butts of your enemies......lol

I was the best man in the wedding, if I'm the best man why is she marrying him?

My husband and I were happy for 20 years then we met

I couldn't repair the brake so I made the horn louder

I though I wanted a career turns out I just wanted a paycheck

If you die in a elevator be sure to hit the up button

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy sumthing

Hard work will pay off later laziness pays off now

What is a free gift aint all gifts free?