When the little girl said you're 41 to an older guy. He said "No, it only looks like I'm 41" but with you there asking me question by question I ain't getting any younger, that means his not.

What happen when the chicken cross the road right next to McDonalds. I don't know what happen to it but I didn't order no chicken fired sandwitch.

Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and can always be replaced. ;P

He's the kind of a guy who lights up a room just by flicking a switch

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die

I like hearing myself talk. It is one of my greatest pleasures. I often have long conversations all by myself, and I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying

When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic

I've never had major knee surgery on any part of my body

"Big woop, you got a tank, wanna fight about it?"
(lol family guy)

Its a manly belt...its supposed to hurt!